It Really is Great to be Eight

Last night we had another successful Great to Be Eight fireside.

In our church, a child can choose to be baptized at the age of eight.

We do not do infant baptisms, we wait until the child is old enough to really understand right from wrong and to be old enough to make choices and changes.

As they childs grows, the relationship they have with God will change and evolve.

Age 8 is the beginning of making real life choices.

Each January, we have an evening for the kids to help them and their parents to know what they can do to prepare for baptism, and how the process will go.

It was not without it's usual, last- minute issues, but I think that it went really well.

All of the kids from our ward attended, the speakers did a great job.

 (Thanks Tyra, Jake and Matt.)

I got this brilliant idea to make fancy sugar cookies with some of the cookie cutters I picked up in Salt Lake last fall.

Brilliant baking ideas only work if you can dedicate the full day before to baking and decorating.

I found myself juggling a hundred things that seemed to go wrong at the last minute, so I was up at 2am on Saturday, decorating sugar cookies. 

Some of them looked like they were decorated at 2 am.

The cupcakes certainly suffered, as I made the decision in the middle of my bleary-eyed frosting session, to just use the remaining royal icing for the cupcakes.

It was like putting a hubcap on the cupcakes.

Everything tasted a bit like cardboard.

BUT

They were cute.

When you are seven years old- cute makes up for cookies that taste like plaster and the kids all acted like they had the fanciest cookies ever given to a child. 

I loved hearing how excited they all were to be baptized, and to listen to the questions they asked.

.

I don't remember much about my own baptism, just some of the more internal things that were catalyst to my choosing my own path in life.

I remember being very upset that I had to wait until February because I grew up in a home with a lot of conflict, and special events seemed to breed even more.  I remember he bought me a carnation to say he was sorry that I had to wait an extra month and it was the first time anyone had given me a flower, just for me.

After  was baptized, our foreign exchange student began to tease me, and I jokingly punched him in the arm. I was 8 years old, he was 18- we were just teasing each other. My mother saw it a different way and the rest of the ride home I got to hear how I had already 'ruined it'  and how I just loved to sin and be unclean.

I remember thinking that was one of the stupidest things I had ever heard, but I had to go along with it. Her story about how I was 'drawn to sin' has been told for years, leaving out the part that I was only  8 years old, and I was playing- not some story of my starting down a life of horror and disgrace.

I remember, as my parent talked about how 'stained' I was, feeling a sense of ownership and freedom regarding my relationship with God.  My covenants were with God and it was one of the first times that saw the goals of my parents as not necessarily the goals that God had for my life. I knew I had to choose who to follow, God or my parents, and that I could not always follow both.  They would not lead to the same place. 

I can look back and see that those feelings I had at age 8, came from a Father who knew me and loved me. He knew I would have to look at the connections between my parents on Earth and my parents in Heaven often in my life and I can see now it was a blessing that in that season, I clearly understood that those are separate relationships. You can love and follow God and not follow your parents. You can follow and love your parents and not be following God. 

There is a lot of room for something in- between as well.  

 I have family who strongly believe that in order to be good, you must follow our parents and see them as equals to, or at least the gatekeepers to God. I  knew at age 8 that they were not the same thing and I would often have to choose. Those that could choose both, that's awesome and I'm glad that it isn't so hard for them. 

When our kids were baptized, we made the decision to keep them focused on the ordinance, on the fact that this was about the child and God- nobody else. 

The activities and parties people throw are lovely, but the baptism is a sacred event.

The Holy Ghost is a still small voice, we wanted our children to be able to feel that, and that doesn't really fit in with some of the current practices of having a huge party/reception after the baptism and programs that include amazing musical numbers and speakers that entertain and wow the large crowd at a baptism. 

The point sometimes gets lost.

Baptism is a promise. 

A promise between you and God. 

You make promises to Him, and he makes promises to you. 

These promises are the first true exchange you have with God. This is the first covenant you choose to make with God. 

Be aware of what is going on.

We wanted our children to be able to hear those promises, to participate in the sacred, personal experience that was before them.  

With most of our kids, we were able to have it be about the ordinance, not the show/party. 

We had to fight to not let it be a circus with one child, thankfully we had a good Bishop who also felt strongly that the ordinance should be the focus, not who gave the prayers and special musical numbers or a scrapbook- worthy reception in the gym. 

While parties are fun, I hope that as parents we think about what we hope our child gets out of that day. If the highlight of the day is a cake and chasing their cousins, screaming around the gym while the adults all ooh and ahh over the food- it might be a good idea to rethink that. 

Our amazing and wonderful children deserve the better part. 

The better part comes from turning to the Savior, choosing to not make sure everything is beautiful and impressive-to have our children learn to sit at His feet, and connect with Him. We can sit with them, and teach them the joy of hearing that Still Small Voice, of feeling that subtle, but real difference when you know the Holy Ghost is with you, helping you and guiding you.

I implore you to choose the better part. 

There will be many family parties your child attends, many your child is the focus of. Consider unifying your family by helping to teach your child the quiet, powerful change that will come over them when they make and keep these sacred covenants with God and the Savior.

 Keep the lines of communication as clear as possible for them, so that they can experience something far more amazing than any party- they will hear the voice of The Shepherd and they will hear him call their name. 

Their name- just them.

 Help them to quietly recognize it and to know, it is a message of unconditional love.

 The Master calls, and He calls for  them by name.

 Listen.

I am not ragging on anyone who has chosen to celebrate baptisms a different way, I hope that is not how this reads. 

 If it does- I am sorry. I support each parent in doing what they feel is best for their family.  There is no one right or wrong way to do any of this- we're all just doing the best we can. 

I love you and love your child and support whatever you do on this special day. If you want to have the baptism at an amusement park- hey, I love ya- do your thing and I'll be there in whatever way I can be- save me some cotton candy, Yo.

I am just trying to share my feelings and my understanding and hope that as you plan and prepare for this amazing time, that the focus can stay on the ordinance, that you won't get too stressed out or wrapped up in the other things. They are all fun and fine, but don't risk losing the best thing about baptism, for something that is nice, but should not be outshine the experience that your child has, as he or she makes that promise to follow the Savior and to listen to His words. 

You decide what is best for your family. If a huge party is best- then that' what you should do- just try your best to take some time with your excited and wiggly eight year old, and help them to find a calm moment, to feel the difference, to think about what they are choosing. It's their first big choice and they will make millions of other choices- let them know choosing is good.

And please, please don't point out the first 'sin' you notice them doing. 

They are children and they will learn to navigate right and wrong based on how they feel as they understand how the Holy Ghost works in their lives and hearts.  

They made the choice to be baptized, they will make more good choices if you let them develop that personal relationship with God. 

Your job is to teach them to recognize His voice, and to show them that they are worthy of complete and unconditional love- always. 

I'm excited for our little ones, I see so many wonderful parents who are teaching these kids so much about love, about making choices and about who they really are. What a blessing to be included in the lives of not only my own children that I love beyond measure, but in the lives of the children in our little corner of New Jersey.

Sunday Talk

Matt and I both gave talks on Sunday. 

We only had one week to work on them, and it happened to be during such a busy week. 

It was the talk I felt that I needed to give.

Normally Matt and I infuse a lot of humor in our talks, but neither of us really did that this time. We were asked to speak on the prophets and the restoration of the church.

When we talked with one another about our individual talks, it turned out that I had focused on the prophets, while Matt and focused on the restoration.

As always, I wrote out every word so that I could feel confident as I spoke and Matt jotted down his quotes and scriptures and gave a fantastic talk. 

Sunday, May 25, 2014 (pardon the grammar/typos- it's my working draft)

We have been asked to talk to you today about prophets and the restoration of the church. The focus of my talk will be on focused on the prophets, while Matt will speak more of the restoration.

A prophet is, in its most basic definition, a person who delivers messages that are believed to come from God.

Our Heavenly Father has always utilized prophets to lead his church and his people. There is a pretty common agreement among certain faiths that there were prophets on this Earth in ancient times. 

In Amos 3:7 we read:

 “Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets”

People can read the words of the prophets of God in the Bible, they can see that while God’s church was on the Earth, there was not just one prophet, but a number of them, covering vast expanses of time. Prophets were on this Earth from the beginning, serving and spreading God’s messages to mankind.

Somehow though, the belief changed from an acknowledgement and acceptance of God having prophets on the Earth to lead his children, to a belief that prophets, true prophets were something that only existed in ancient times. Today’s world has no Elijahs, No Isaiahs, it has no Abrahams.

And for a very long time, they were right. While there were still many good and righteous people who followed God, there was no revelation, no priesthood and…...no prophet. The Lord’s church was not found on the Earth.

Then, a young boy of 14 went into that sacred grove and spoke to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  In that moment, God was directly speaking to mankind again. The church and the priesthood were being restored and a prophet was called to lead it once again.

In D&C 21:4–5 it says:

 “Wherefore, meaning the church, thou shalt give heed unto all his words and commandments which he shall give unto you as he receiveth them, walking in all holiness before me;

“For his word ye shall receive, as if from mine own mouth, in all patience and faith” (D&C 21:4–5).

Since that time, the world has been blessed by the presence of a true prophet of God, guiding and leading all who choose to follow and we sing: praise, to the man who communed with Jehova!

There have been 16 prophets of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Each one of these men was not only called of God, but was sustained as a prophet by the members of the church. Each one of these men led the church and it’s people during the exact dispensation of time when they could deliver the exact messages that God needed heard.

Sometimes we hear funny or weird stories about the lives of the prophets.  I remember reading about Wilford Woodruff’s childhood when I was a kid and laughing at how many times he got seriously hurt either from working or mostly from goofing off and doing dumb kid things when he was growing up.

I read of Spencer W Kimball and the terrible health issues he endured during a season of his life and thought that it had to be the worst thing to ever endure, to have boils on your skin and what a painful thing that had to be, and yet- it didn’t shake his faith in God. As a kid, I wondered if I would be that steadfast.

Recently, my daughter asked me what she should do if someone asks her about the church in a mean way, looking to tear her down and I told her one of my favorite stories from the life of Joseph F Smith.

 One day, when Joseph F. Smith was returning home from his first mission, “after the little company of wagons had traveled a short distance and made their camp, a company of drunken men rode into the camp on horseback, cursing and swearing and threatening to kill any ‘Mormons’ that came within their path. It was the lot of Joseph F. Smith to meet these marauders first. ... Joseph F. was a little distance from the camp gathering wood for the fire when these men rode up. When he saw them, he said, his first thought was to do what the other brethren had done, and seek shelter in the trees and in flight. Then the thought came to him, ‘Why should I run from these fellows?’ With that thought in mind he boldly marched up with his arms full of wood to the campfire. As he was about to deposit his wood, one of the ruffians, still with his pistols in his hands and pointing at the youthful Elder, and cursing as only a drunken rascal can, declaring that it was his duty to exterminate every ‘Mormon’ he should meet, demanded in a loud, angry voice, ‘Are you a “Mormon”?’

 “Without a moment of hesitation and looking the ruffian in the eye, Joseph F. Smith boldly answered, ‘Yes, siree; dyed in the wool; true blue, through and through.’

 “The answer was given boldly and without any sign of fear, which completely disarmed the belligerent man, and in his bewilderment, he grasped the missionary by the hand and said:

“‘Well, you are the ... pleasantest man I ever met! Shake, young fellow, I am glad to see a man that stands up for his convictions.’

“Joseph F. said in later years that he fully expected to receive the charge from this man’s pistols, but he could take no other course even though it seemed that his death was to be the result. This man, evidently the leader of the band, then rode off, the others following him, and the Mormon company was not molested further”

It warmed my heart when my daughter said “through and through…..that’s what I’m going to say. I’m a Mormon, through and through!”

As you come to know the lives and ministries of each of the prophets, there is a much to learn from as we learn from the prophets of ancient times.  

Just as the prophets of old struggled and sought answers for the people they served, so do our modern prophets. They seek answers and direction concerning the issues and times that we live in. 

In this ever changing world, they are the wind to set your sails to, as the landscape changes- they know which way to go.

I’ve recently been having some discussion with an old friend who was in my ward as a kid. His family have been members since the pioneer days, and with each generation, a little more of that is taken for granted, a little more of that is forgotten and seems to be of less value. This friend has a testimony, but struggles with issues where it seems that the world and the church do not agree. He doesn’t want to offend his friends by choosing a side that hasn’t caught up to the current times.

I talked to him about some of my feelings about the church and some of the issues that seemed to be causing a lot of hurt and confusion.

 I told him that not that long ago, my views were what was considered to be on one side of the political fence. It was a side that wasn’t very popular with people  in my family and every four years, I was always sent news articles and firmly worded emails admonishing me to vote in a way that was in line with the political views they had.   Some thought that in order to be a good member of the church, you had to vote and feel a certain way.

I was secure in my knowledge that the church’s position on all things are that you should vote according to your conscience and often replied with some version of “Well, isn’t free agency great- you’re not the boss of me.”

 I’m not a person who enjoys or really ever wants to be a part of a debate in the first place and I've never been known for having much tact when I feel I am being pushed to do something I don’t want to do.

As the years have progressed, my views on those issues haven’t changed very much, however, the line I was so far on one side of completely moved.

 My opinions, my morals and my values are still the same as they were before, but I am now on the other side of that line- without even having moved!

How lost I would feel if I didn’t have a prophet and leaders who were also here in this constantly shifting and changing world, right with me--who knew that the way to keep our footing was to keep out eyes and ears focused on God.  It is God’s direction we must follow, God who has the right answers that bring harmony, unity and happiness. We hear the words of God from our prophets.

Follow the prophet! He knows the way!

As tides turn and the winds of change blow around us, they lead us in the direction we should go. They make the adjustments for the church, so that we don’t have to rely on external sources to help us to find the way.

It is the prophets who help us to find and take hold of that iron rod, that will lead us to  to everlasting happiness.

1 nephi 15:24

 And I said unto them that it was the word of God; and whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would hold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction.

 25 Wherefore, I, Nephi, did exhort them to give heed unto the word of the Lord; yea, I did exhort them with all the energies of my soul, and with all the faculty which I possessed, that they would give heed to the word of God and remember to keep his commandments always in all things.

The world is always changing. Society is always changing. The amount of information and influence others have over our families is growing and it is very hard to know what is right and what is wrong in some situations.

This church has never been known for its popularity. Even as we are growing and missionary work goes forth all across the Earth- not many of the teachings are well received.  We are not the Prom Queen of religions, we don’t win the popularity contests society seems to be constantly having. 

We live in a world where it is possible to put every thought and actions on display, in a world where that is becoming the norm, in fact. I know too many of you have had to endure the daily pictures of my silly new puppy, and with each update that goes out for the world to see, there is an instant reaction and we become very aware of what our peers think and feel about things that we once discussed only with our families and with the Lord.  Everything seems open for discussion and in seconds arguments can be made to support or tear down every position on everything from serious political issues, to which 80’s cartoon character you should be.

As questions come up in our lives, we need to be sure that we are going to God and seeking the words of the prophets as we decide what is right for our families. We cannot slip into the trap of letting facebook likes determine our choices and influence the direction we go.

Follow the prophet – he knows the way.

He knew the way to go when it was time to head west and settle on that ugly desert with a big lake you couldn’t drink from, that became Zion to the Saints. The members of the church followed the prophet Brigham Young with both their souls and their bodies.

He knew the way when I was a kid of 16, nervous and unsure of what path I should go. I wondered if I mattered to my Heavenly Father, if he cared at all or if my dumb little life meant anything.  When I prayed, alone in my car,  I remembered the words of the prophet of my youth, Ezra Taft Benson who repeatedly urged me to read the scriptures, so through my tears, I opened my scriptures to D&C 6:

 22 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.

 23 Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?

--

34 Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.

 35 Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you.

 36 Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

And the prophet speaks the words of God to you.  The words of the prophet are the first place as well as the last place you should go, as often as possible- and especially in times when the world is changing around you and you need to make sure that YOU are where you need to be, that you are not shifting with the tides.

How lucky and blessed we are to have a prophets, who live in this world with us and who really do know what we are facing and the questions and problems that weigh so heavily on our hearts and minds.

Follow the prophet.

Follow the prophet.

Follow the prophet.

He knows the way.

Thoughts after Conference Weekend

Favorite quote from conference:

Normally, conference is insanely low key and a chance to just lounge around and be together.

Adding a puppy to the equation, made things a little bit crazier.

With 6 people, all home the entire time, in the house, the puppy got a little bit too much attention and I think it was a bit of a confusing weekend for Badger. 

There were accidents of all sorts. Potty accidents and Matt twisted his ankle when he tripped over Badger coming into the family room. 

This week, Puppy and I will be sticking to a routine and I think it will be easier on all of us, including the dog. 

He is a very good dog.

He sleeps all night in his crate and only barks when he needs to go potty and then he goes right back in and quietly settles down until morning.

It was still a bit chaotic for conference weekend.

We started off on Saturday with a bang, I have a child who isn't so much trying to find himself, but who is trying to prove who he is not. 

This is just where he is right now. I have been there myself.

I see his struggles and I ache for him, but I also see them through the eyes of one who has traveled down that road and knows where it leads. I am a person who tried it the world's way and it didn't work. I chose the church, I choose this lifestyle because it is the only thing that brought peace, stability and a belief that everything was going to work out, that I could be happy and I deserved happiness.

I am thankful for agency, where I can choose that.

I still make plenty of wrong choices, that those who are in a different place than I am see the same way I see the struggles my kids have. 

They cringe and wish I would learn from their mistakes.

They also know, like I do, that it doesn't work that way and just as we cannot live on borrowed light, we cannot learn from borrowed darkness.

I skipped the second session to go on a walk with my son and talk to him, encourage him to figure out who he is, not who he is not. To treat others with the respect all humans deserve and to stop seeing assassins in the trees everywhere he goes. 

I am so glad he is home, so glad he is safe, but this is not easy.

He can choose whatever he wants, I do not need my kids to be Mormons in order to love and accept them. I will always love and accept them, always support and be there for them. I do need them to make choices and to grow. If they do not, my love for them stays the same, but there are obstacles that put life in a constant holding pattern. It doesn't progress and go anywhere until a direction is chosen. You can change directions, but you must DO.

It is hard for all of us, including my child who is stuck. 

I am never going to be a parent who issues ultimatums or who uses tough love, but I am struggling with patience and need to change my focus from trying to hep so much, to moving forward with my own journey and trusting that he will choose something eventually and he will see that it will be okay. 

Conference had some talks that hit on a lot of things I have been thinking about lately, and I know I have things I need to re-evaluate and choose as well.

I have always been more of a liberal in my thinking. I usually vote democrat and I did not support Prop 8 and I think churches need to get out of the marriage business completely.  One can make covenants and promises in church, but the legal contract of marriage should be handled by the state.  These are just things that make sense to me and I am still a worthy, active and prophet sustaining member of the church- even if I did vote for Bill Clinton and Obama (well, the first time.)

I saw myself in comparison to many other members of the church and I was pretty far to the left.

As I look at the world around me now, at the always changing landscape of choice and morality, I see that the line has moved. Where I stand, having not changed my opinions and beliefs is now to the right of the line and it makes me think about how important I always felt it was that I defined myself by where I stood, based on measurements that the world created and I accepted. 

I don't have this figured out yet, but conference had many talks that made me feel like I need to really think about where I stand and what that will mean as the line keeps moving and I am no longer seen as a liberal thinker and I am 'lumped in' with those I have always felt lacked the ability to support free agency at all costs.

I believe that there was a great war in heaven, and we lost 1/3 of our brothers and sisters over the issue of agency and that it is the most important right we have as children of Earth. We must support and protect every one's ability to choose, and one of the worst things you can do is to try and take away the agency of another and control them. Matt says I'm a bit of an anarchist, and that's why everything goes back to free agency for me. I do not want to take another's agency, even if I hate what they use it for and disagree with them. I get pretty aggressive when a person tries to take away my agency and tell me what I "must' do. I have offended a few people with the simple response of "I don't answer to you, do not tell me what to do. Ask me and allow me to say yes or no, but do not presume you are the boss of me." 

So, back to the things that are poking my brain and soul-I have to figure out more of who I am and why I believe what I believe. I have to have the confidence and ability to stand by those beliefs, even if someone thinks I only have them because I'm part of some herd of brainless sheep.

I have never been a lamb who stays where she should, but I am proud that I am still and always will be one of Christ's lambs. He just has to rescue me and call me more often because I insist on learning things the hard way, in my own time and place.

And this leaves me now, wondering who I am, what place am I at right now and where will I go as the terrain I travel on continues to change so quickly and so drastically. 

I don't know the answer.

What I do know is that the answers will come and where the answers will come from. There are many paths that lead to happiness, the one that works best for me is the path the Lord and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has laid out. Even within that, there are many paths to take. 

Somewhere between making choices, choosing to move forward and trusting that the Lord loves and knows each of us, no matter what- I will figure some things out. 

It's spring, and little seeds that have been sleeping underneath the surface are starting to come through within me. It is time to stop looking at the external to tell me where I stand and to look within and know who I am. 

This was not our typical relaxing, easy conference weekend, but rain make flowers grow and storms make trees grow strong. 

They clear out all of the crap that lingered in the air before and allow us to see things differently. 

If the storms and the hardships are the price I must pay in order to see the rays of sunshine- I will pay it. 

And I will try not to complain too much, but I reserve the right to whine here and there.

Unconditional Love...Even for Me

 School is out!!!!

 What a strange and wonderful first year in New Jersey we have had.

We're looking forward to two lazy months. 

I slept in until 9 this morning. 

Even on Saturdays I tend to be up by 8:00 because my internal clock starts to get trigger happy at 6:30 am, when it's time to start the day for school.

I was a dead log this morning.

It was wonderful.

This weekend everyone chipped in to help get the apartment ready for  visitors. Having two teenage boys up there is just gross.

 They're wonderful boys, I adore them, but -ew. 

They make some of the most jaw-dropping messes and they sneak food up there all of the time. It drives me nuts, but since it's on a floor I rarely am on, it's easier to just ignore it most days. I am a slacker parent in that regards. 

But everyone helped a lot and we're ready for anything now.

If it's not clean enough to someone else's standards, they can go scrub their own baseboards and feel superior to me. 

 We're happy in our home.

With Summer in full swing, it means Matt will be working from home a lot more and I love having him around. He's a good husband and the best friend I could ever imagine. 

He's also my hot bagel date on Friday mornings.

He's hot....the bagels are hot....hotness is everywhere  at the Kosher Bagel Hut here in Springfield.

--

I was able to tackle the rest of my Pioneer Trek Sewing and finished making bonnets for all of the YW in our ward who needed one. I also finished a complete trek outfit for one of the girls.

Romy is too young for trek, but she's a cutie bug model, isn't she?

She has loved the first bonnet I made from day one and kept asking if I would make her one, just like that pink one. When I finished the other bonnets, I gave her the pink one and she was thrilled. She wears it all of the time now.

Pioneers love them some Minecraft.

She also wore it to bed last night. I think a Little House on the Prairie marathon is in order.

She went with me to the Plainfield Spanish Branch yesterday.

We helped out n Primary and Romy met a new friend, her name is Rominia and she is also 11 years old. 

I knew the girls would hit it off and we're going to see if we can have a play date after the month of visitors is finished. 

We had a great time, even if we couldn't understand anything in sacrament meeting.  

The kids are so loving and I got many snuggles yesterday.

I also was passing out sweets, which helps. :) 

I love the children, and left with tears in my eyes when one of the boys came and gave me a huge hug before I left and said "when are you coming back, Sister?" I said I wasn't sure, but I would see him in a few weeks at the activity and I'd give him some candy. he looked at me and said "I like candy, but I love it when you come here. It feels good and you are so happy and nice to me."

I put his face in my hands and said "I love you so very much" and he gave be a big hug and said "I know, Sister. You do love me." 

Yeah.

That's what matters most, that's why all of it matters so much.

The lessons, the rules, the songs are great, but what matters most is that those kids know they are loved, that they know how precious they are in the eyes of God and that we try our best to feel unconditional love and always see the promise in them- and make sure they know what we see when we are with them.

I can't do much, but I can love. 

With my own kids, if they know I love them unconditionally and that bad choices they make do not make them bad people- if they can grow up and know that no matter what- they are lovable, they are cherished and they are precious- I will feel like I did what mt Father in Heaven wanted me to do when he blessed my life with these wacky kids.  What matters most is that they know they are loved- so very loved.

They will still do dumb things, they will hurt you and strain your heart to the limit, but always, always make sure they know that when you look at them, you see what you believe the Savior sees when he looks on them- someone with infinite potential, who is completely lovable and someone that always has more good in them than bad. I believe with all of my soul that the work I was called to do is to teach, show and learn about unconditional love with our young ones. Maybe in time that will help me to see myself differently, to see myself as deserving of that same love. For now, I'm still pretty rough on myself. It's all connected and I have hope that the things I know to be true with our little ones, will help heal me so that I can see myself not through the harsh and critical eyes of my earthly parents, but as the Lord sees me, too.

I'm not there yet, by a long shot, but I'm working hard and I'm doing my best. 

This week, I got a surprise in the mail from a friend I have in Las Vegas.

She and I connected during a season when I was a new step mom and I was shocked by the way my husband's ex acted and treated people. I am still shocked by the way she treats people, but I have better boundaries now and recognize the behavior for what it is, simple bullying.  Nothing important or unique, just your run of the mill bullying. 

Nicole was going through similar things and she was a great support to me and I just love her.

She sent me this :

I've put it on my bathroom mirror. 

Thank you, Sweet Friend. 

I'm working on it, but oh, it is hard for me. 

When we got home Romy said she wanted to help with the Spanish branches next time I went, that she felt a different feeling there, like she was doing something good by helping them.

 I sure am proud of the young woman she is becoming.

Ack.

Young woman.

AAAAAACCCCKKKK. 

Mormony Stuff

One of my responsibilities in Primary is to keep the bulletin boards up to date.

We have four full sized bulletin boards in our Primary room and three in the hallway.

I accepted the challenge and I have one more to finish up and they will all be updated, mostly with themes that can be rotated out every year if needed. I know sometimes boards can stay up for years and with this many, it's a giant task for the next Primary leader to tackle. 

I had our theme board finished first, and after a couple of weeks of looking at it, decided that I hated it and took it down.

Matt was not surprised, that's how I do a lot of things in my life. I try it out for awhile and then tear it all down. Knowing that about myself, I think assigning me the boards is a really good thing. I can get my creative on and if I don't love it, it can be torn down and I can try something else.

As I prayed about how to do well in my calling and serve the ward, I didn't actually pray for bulletin board inspiration, but it came anyway. The "missionary tag" idea came to my mind and I started to realize that I needed to keep things simple and give a clear idea of what messages we were giving the kids.

I'm still working on the new theme board, but the other 6 are done. 

I also finished my final project for the little facebook craft swap I participated in.

This is an embroidered pillowcase for my friend, Mindi.

She and I have been friends since I was in the 11th grade and I love her so much. She's been through so much in the past 10 years and I am crazy proud of all she has accomplished. This is a woman whose heart was always turned in the right direction and who always seemed to see the eternal picture. Life brought her some challenges that simply were not fair. She's had some Job- level trials in life, in my opinion and yet she continues to turn her face towards the sun, even when it is hidden behind the clouds. I know she has had some dark, scary hours. I know she has had some hurts that many people just would never understand and I watch her get up and continue to move forward. She is an amazing mom, an incredible example of living as though you are always aware of your divine purpose and she is such a loving and accepting friend.

  Mindi, did you ever know just how very much I love you? I always have considered myself so lucky that you were my friend. 

-

Last night we had the Relief Society Birthday Celebration.

I was asked to make the poster for it.

This is a ward that has such a sense of humor and so I thought they'd appreciate my Anne Taintor inspired poster. We had fun last night. I was so tired that I could not even make sense as I talked. Poor Cara Newman, who sat by me, probably left the evening shaking her head and saying "Olsons be crazy..." 

I'm glad I went, glad I got to know more women in the ward and I'm glad that I've got an outlet for some of my creative ADHD and that I have been able to make some people smile while doing it.

My amazing and loved mother in law had surgery this week, she's okay but I wish I was there. 

Since I can't be there, I hope you know I love you, Mom, and I miss you so very much.

I swiped these from the web, so if you're feeling poopy, maybe some swiped Interneties will make you smile today. :)

Feel Better.

Church Chat with Sister O

My dumb back seems to have recovered from the great laundry injury of 2013, now it's just the usual moans and groans from me.

We had ward conference this week and the stake came to observe Primary. I was in charge of Sharing Time and I think it went really well. I have to say, I think the Lord had mercy on me, because the kids were all really reverent, so it was pretty easy to have a smooth Sharing Time.

We talked about how the Lord has a plan for us and we make choices in that plan, some choices lead us to safety and peace, others lead to danger and sorrow.

I posted a big fence on the board and around the fence we had rocks, a river, a pit and a wolf.

On another board I had lambs, each with a scenario.

Some kids were called up and picked a lamb and read it. We then posed the question :Is this a choice that brings safety and peace or one that brings sadness and danger?

If it brought peace, it went in the safe fence. If it brought danger, the child chose what dangerous thing it was by and stuck the lamb there.

With a few minutes left, the child I chose to pick a lamb in Jr. Primary was Ben. Ben has some special needs and struggles to communicate.

Ben chose his lamb, it was a lamb that went to a safe place. I thanked him and asked him to sit back down.

Ben didn't sit down.

He stood and looked at our board for a few minutes, and all of the kids waited to see what he was going to do. He took one of the lambs who was in danger, shook his head and put it in the fence and said "safe."

I said to him, and to everyone "Oh, that's very good! What can we do to help make the lambs who were in the wrong place go to the safe place?"

We read what the lamb said again and then said what could be done to repent and make the lamb safe again."

One by one Ben took each of the lost lambs and put them in the safe place.

When they were all safe, he happily turned and went back to his seat.

It was one of those moments where you get to be a part of something so much greater than you ever expected.

I'd planned to talk about helping the lambs safe again, focusing more on it in Sr. Primary, but Ben, in his quiet and loving way brought it about with a spirit I never could have.

He understood, and he wanted everyone to be safe.

 He wasn't going to stop until they were all where they needed to be and I got to see My Savior this Sunday, in the eyes of  Ben.

It was a good day.

Yesterday was a good day, too.

Romy turns 12 this summer and she will start Young Women's.

That totally freaks me out!

They had New Beginnings last night and it was great. She is going to be joining such a great group of girls, I adore the YW in this ward and the leaders are the very best. I am lucky to count them as friends and excited for Roe to spend time with women who have genuine testimonies, who love the Lord and who truly and honestly keep all of their covenants. They don't set a bad example and care more about being seen as cool, they love those girls and set an example. They inspire the girls to find joy in doing the right things, not just the fun or trendy things.

I trust them.

Romy was nervous and intimidated by everyone, but she also knows these leaders and knows that they will help her make choices that will lead her to happiness, safety and peace.

The older girls had to guess which of the new girls had certain likes and dislikes and pin them on the girls.

That's the look of a girl who knows she is the one who is good at origami and loves steak. :)

She will always have a choice, I will love my kids no matter what they do. I am thankful that she has good teachers and good examples who will show her a path that is very different from the one she will find in other places.  She'll make her own way, we all do. I am glad that she has the YW program to help, and if she chooses it, to lead her to places that are not in the rocks, or among the wolves, but to the safety and peace of her Father in Heaven.

In the meantime- you're not quite old enough yet, you are still small.

 I'll keep you with me, Little Roe, just as long as I can.

Sharing Time Is Not For Sissies

Today Matt went with me to the church to help put up some new decorations for the new Primary theme. We talked about how things are going this week and I admitted to him that I'm really intimidated by the calling. It's been so long since I taught children who were not in my own family.

Last Sunday was a big wake up call for me in regards to that.

It was the 5th Sunday, so no lesson to follow and we decided it would be good to do a meet the teacher Sharing Time and I figured we'd figure out a few things and mostly play it by ear.

Anyone who has not been living on another planet already knows what happened next.

It was chaotic, noisy and kids were either acting up or bored.

Some of the teachers were not happy.

Mittens were flung in faces, cute little handouts were torn and the Senior Primary enjoyed some 'loud laughter' when they were supposed to be listening.

I started out confident and quickly fell into a repeated dialog of saying "I'm sorry about this...I'm sorry...as I became more and more self- conscious and panicked on the inside. I wasn't losing my composure or anything, but I was in way over my head. I have so much to learn and one of those things is that winging it in Sharing Time doesn't work. You can't just bring a bag of chocolate and everyone overlooks the dumb things you do or say and you can't just plan on the Spirit taking over in the same kind of way it does in Relief Society of Gospel Doctrine. You can't do it without the Holy Ghost, but of you don't have a plan and something for the Lord to help you with, it's not going to be the kind of experience you were hoping for, and the kids won't get what they need from Primary, either.

 

And we all survived it, but I was struggling to not just run away last week by Singing Time.

 

At one point, I sat with a class in the front row, just to listen to the songs. From behind me, a little  4 year old girl with blond hair and a plaid dress came up to me. I didn't know her name, just what family she was from. She came up to me and cupped her little hands and sweetly took my face in them and looked me directly in the eyes and said "You're okay."

Then she said "I'm going to sit right here." and she moved my arms and sat on my lap and started to sing with the other kids.

My heart stopped racing like a rabbit and I stopped being so aware that I was screwing up so badly. I felt the Holy Ghost and the peace that comes when he tells you in the middle of a storm that you're okay.

When they started to sing "Once There Was a Snowman" and we needed to stand, she took my hand and said "I'm right here." When the song ended, she hopped back on my lap.

 

Sharing time was a disaster, but I was okay.  In spite of everything, I knew that my Father in Heaven had sent sweet little J over to calm the storm I was feeling and feeding in my soul and to bring me back to peace.

 

As I've spent the week trying to figure out the changes I need to make and the work I need to do so that Primary is the kind of experience it needs to be and so that I can learn who I need to become through this- my heart is led by Little J's kindness. Her simple act of love to the tall crazy new lady in 6 inch  heels with no clue what she is doing did more for putting me on the right path and in the right spirit than any of the teaching helps I have studied or Ensign articles I've read. She was touched by the Holy Ghost, and she acted on it and that simple act has made all of the difference for me.

 

Tomorrow is a new day, a new year and a fresh start.

 

I am okay.

He is right here.