It Really is Great to be Eight

Last night we had another successful Great to Be Eight fireside.

In our church, a child can choose to be baptized at the age of eight.

We do not do infant baptisms, we wait until the child is old enough to really understand right from wrong and to be old enough to make choices and changes.

As they childs grows, the relationship they have with God will change and evolve.

Age 8 is the beginning of making real life choices.

Each January, we have an evening for the kids to help them and their parents to know what they can do to prepare for baptism, and how the process will go.

It was not without it's usual, last- minute issues, but I think that it went really well.

All of the kids from our ward attended, the speakers did a great job.

 (Thanks Tyra, Jake and Matt.)

I got this brilliant idea to make fancy sugar cookies with some of the cookie cutters I picked up in Salt Lake last fall.

Brilliant baking ideas only work if you can dedicate the full day before to baking and decorating.

I found myself juggling a hundred things that seemed to go wrong at the last minute, so I was up at 2am on Saturday, decorating sugar cookies. 

Some of them looked like they were decorated at 2 am.

The cupcakes certainly suffered, as I made the decision in the middle of my bleary-eyed frosting session, to just use the remaining royal icing for the cupcakes.

It was like putting a hubcap on the cupcakes.

Everything tasted a bit like cardboard.

BUT

They were cute.

When you are seven years old- cute makes up for cookies that taste like plaster and the kids all acted like they had the fanciest cookies ever given to a child. 

I loved hearing how excited they all were to be baptized, and to listen to the questions they asked.

.

I don't remember much about my own baptism, just some of the more internal things that were catalyst to my choosing my own path in life.

I remember being very upset that I had to wait until February because I grew up in a home with a lot of conflict, and special events seemed to breed even more.  I remember he bought me a carnation to say he was sorry that I had to wait an extra month and it was the first time anyone had given me a flower, just for me.

After  was baptized, our foreign exchange student began to tease me, and I jokingly punched him in the arm. I was 8 years old, he was 18- we were just teasing each other. My mother saw it a different way and the rest of the ride home I got to hear how I had already 'ruined it'  and how I just loved to sin and be unclean.

I remember thinking that was one of the stupidest things I had ever heard, but I had to go along with it. Her story about how I was 'drawn to sin' has been told for years, leaving out the part that I was only  8 years old, and I was playing- not some story of my starting down a life of horror and disgrace.

I remember, as my parent talked about how 'stained' I was, feeling a sense of ownership and freedom regarding my relationship with God.  My covenants were with God and it was one of the first times that saw the goals of my parents as not necessarily the goals that God had for my life. I knew I had to choose who to follow, God or my parents, and that I could not always follow both.  They would not lead to the same place. 

I can look back and see that those feelings I had at age 8, came from a Father who knew me and loved me. He knew I would have to look at the connections between my parents on Earth and my parents in Heaven often in my life and I can see now it was a blessing that in that season, I clearly understood that those are separate relationships. You can love and follow God and not follow your parents. You can follow and love your parents and not be following God. 

There is a lot of room for something in- between as well.  

 I have family who strongly believe that in order to be good, you must follow our parents and see them as equals to, or at least the gatekeepers to God. I  knew at age 8 that they were not the same thing and I would often have to choose. Those that could choose both, that's awesome and I'm glad that it isn't so hard for them. 

When our kids were baptized, we made the decision to keep them focused on the ordinance, on the fact that this was about the child and God- nobody else. 

The activities and parties people throw are lovely, but the baptism is a sacred event.

The Holy Ghost is a still small voice, we wanted our children to be able to feel that, and that doesn't really fit in with some of the current practices of having a huge party/reception after the baptism and programs that include amazing musical numbers and speakers that entertain and wow the large crowd at a baptism. 

The point sometimes gets lost.

Baptism is a promise. 

A promise between you and God. 

You make promises to Him, and he makes promises to you. 

These promises are the first true exchange you have with God. This is the first covenant you choose to make with God. 

Be aware of what is going on.

We wanted our children to be able to hear those promises, to participate in the sacred, personal experience that was before them.  

With most of our kids, we were able to have it be about the ordinance, not the show/party. 

We had to fight to not let it be a circus with one child, thankfully we had a good Bishop who also felt strongly that the ordinance should be the focus, not who gave the prayers and special musical numbers or a scrapbook- worthy reception in the gym. 

While parties are fun, I hope that as parents we think about what we hope our child gets out of that day. If the highlight of the day is a cake and chasing their cousins, screaming around the gym while the adults all ooh and ahh over the food- it might be a good idea to rethink that. 

Our amazing and wonderful children deserve the better part. 

The better part comes from turning to the Savior, choosing to not make sure everything is beautiful and impressive-to have our children learn to sit at His feet, and connect with Him. We can sit with them, and teach them the joy of hearing that Still Small Voice, of feeling that subtle, but real difference when you know the Holy Ghost is with you, helping you and guiding you.

I implore you to choose the better part. 

There will be many family parties your child attends, many your child is the focus of. Consider unifying your family by helping to teach your child the quiet, powerful change that will come over them when they make and keep these sacred covenants with God and the Savior.

 Keep the lines of communication as clear as possible for them, so that they can experience something far more amazing than any party- they will hear the voice of The Shepherd and they will hear him call their name. 

Their name- just them.

 Help them to quietly recognize it and to know, it is a message of unconditional love.

 The Master calls, and He calls for  them by name.

 Listen.

I am not ragging on anyone who has chosen to celebrate baptisms a different way, I hope that is not how this reads. 

 If it does- I am sorry. I support each parent in doing what they feel is best for their family.  There is no one right or wrong way to do any of this- we're all just doing the best we can. 

I love you and love your child and support whatever you do on this special day. If you want to have the baptism at an amusement park- hey, I love ya- do your thing and I'll be there in whatever way I can be- save me some cotton candy, Yo.

I am just trying to share my feelings and my understanding and hope that as you plan and prepare for this amazing time, that the focus can stay on the ordinance, that you won't get too stressed out or wrapped up in the other things. They are all fun and fine, but don't risk losing the best thing about baptism, for something that is nice, but should not be outshine the experience that your child has, as he or she makes that promise to follow the Savior and to listen to His words. 

You decide what is best for your family. If a huge party is best- then that' what you should do- just try your best to take some time with your excited and wiggly eight year old, and help them to find a calm moment, to feel the difference, to think about what they are choosing. It's their first big choice and they will make millions of other choices- let them know choosing is good.

And please, please don't point out the first 'sin' you notice them doing. 

They are children and they will learn to navigate right and wrong based on how they feel as they understand how the Holy Ghost works in their lives and hearts.  

They made the choice to be baptized, they will make more good choices if you let them develop that personal relationship with God. 

Your job is to teach them to recognize His voice, and to show them that they are worthy of complete and unconditional love- always. 

I'm excited for our little ones, I see so many wonderful parents who are teaching these kids so much about love, about making choices and about who they really are. What a blessing to be included in the lives of not only my own children that I love beyond measure, but in the lives of the children in our little corner of New Jersey.

Lost and Found in Family History

Today was a good day in my Family History adventures.

I love Family History.

I have always been drawn to it, I've always wanted to hear the stories and see the faces of those who reside on different branches of the family tree, but I never really knew where to begin or what it meant to 'work on' Family History.

I've taken the Family History Sunday School class at least 4 times and still- I wasn't sure what to actually DO.

My mother in law changed that for me.

She patiently sat with me and logged on to familysearch.org and asked me to give her the name of the ancestor that was as far back as I could remember.

I quickly told her that all of those ancestors had already been 'taken care of,' and much further down the line so that couldn't possibly be a good use of time. I could only remember back as far as my grandparents on one side and great grandparents on the other. 

Worthless information.

She smiled and asked their names and typed them in. 

Up popped a family tree that went back a very long way.

"See, I told you, it's all been done!"

She smiled again, nodded and said "Tell me what you know about your grandma's mom."

Well......

I knew nothing. 

Absolutely nothing.

Family Search gave me a name, dates and where she was born, married and died. 

It gave me the names of her children. 

It gave me the name of her husband and I told Mom Olson "Ah, that was her husband, he was a bad guy. He left her and her kids because she joined the church- that's what I was told."

She would ask me the next logical question as I opened up the file with Bad Great Grandpa's name in it. Where did he live? What work did he do? Did he ever move? Why did he move? When did he leave the place of his birth? Did his parents die in the place he was born?

Did he have brothers and sisters? Did he remarry? Did he have more children with another wife?

As I looked to answer some of the basic questions, I saw that Bad Grandpa had actually married my Great Grandmother in the Salt Lake Temple- before they had any kids. He later married a second wife, after his divorce, in the temple as well. 

This was not a man who left his wife because she joined the church.

he was, in fact, born in the covenant and was third,generation Latter day Saint. His father had come to Utah after having been a life long member of the church. That meant his family (my family) were some of the very first people to join the church in England. 

He was an active member all of his life and his second wife was a direct ancestor of one of my dearest friends from high school, Julie Arave-Olsen.

   

(Mother Arave/Blackburn really loved that hairstyle.)

Julie had always- ALWAYS felt oddly familiar, like a cousin to me, I never payed much attention to it, but I noticed that I felt a different connection with her than I did any friend I'd ever had. I could not explain it, but Julie had always felt like ...kin.

That was it-- the old Spirit of Elijah had me.

I didn't learn all of these things that day Mom Olson and I sat at her computer, but I did learn what to do next- to lay out the 'tree' and look at each of the branches. To see if people had spouses, children, siblings and parents- to try and give each person on my tree- a complete tree of their own. Those branches don't ever end or stop sprouting outward on each level.  Children have children who have children who have cousins who have cousins who have spouses who have siblings and cousins....yu can go as far down those side branches as you have the time for. 

When you make a complete 'tree' so to speak for a person- you have the outline of a story.

You gather all of the details about that person that you can inorder to tell a more vivid story.

As you learn the stories and find the history- those people become so very real to you.

They become your family and you see where you fit in and where they fit- in that enormous family tree you are a part of.

I found that, in both my mother's and my father's family there were a lot of divorces and remarriages. In my mother's family, the exes seemed to vanish from the history. Marriages ended and all proof of an ex- typically the father- was scrubbed clean fro the records. Stories that were passed down were typically fatherless stories and names were changed in order to create even more distance between the woman who was angry, but who passed on the history and the man who did her wrong. The fathers were cut out of the lives of the children and over time, forgotten or given a short but nasty label and it was clear that all he ever did was cause hurt.

Maybe that was true, maybe the women just held onto anger like a treasure, as the living family members do now. If they forgive the bad men from the generation before, it might mean those who hurt the living generation are worthy of forgiveness and they have to find a way to forgive that still honors necessary boundaries. 

I don't know- I have my own issues and crap to work out there. 

I just know that my mother's side is awfully absent of fathers- and the fathers did not die. 

My father's side is an almost mirror image when it comes to family history. Yes, they all had multiple divorces, but as I look at the records, I see the numbers of children grow, as the men adopted or cared for the children of their later wives, as well as the children that had with their first wives. I see step children added with as much love and acceptance as biological children, I see them given a place in line right along side the bloodline. I see the fathers who had families that were huge because they were stepfathers who treated all of the kids as his own. I see an effort made to keep track of the mothers who left, and records of mothers who didn't leave, but remarried- and how their families grew as well. 

But they have a lot more divorces, and it's interesting that there are family names that get passed down, but rarely from father to son. Usually you find a nephew named for an uncle. That gets pretty confusing sometimes because some of the ages aren't that far apart with the uncles and nephews, and some of the records were incorrectly  merged to make them the same person.

I see these giant broken and blended families and I have to just smile and shake my head. These are certainly my people. 

Which path do I choose? 

What will my history tell? 

I'm still figuring that out, and while I do I try to make sure that the stories that are being passed on about my ancestors are true stories. I don't know the reasons and the circumstances for the bad things that happened, but I know that some of the stories are made up and I have proof of such. I don't need to contact family and correct anyone, I just need to make sure my records only tell the stories I know to be true based on the first person accounts and the facts I find. I need to make sure that if anyone comes to me for information, if I put it out there- that I can back up those facts and that I have proof that some of the tired old stories are made up. Not everyone wants to hear that, so I keep it to myself, willing to share if anyone wants to know. I have no doubt my own name has been hacked from a  few family tree branches as well, and that's just how things always have been dealt with, I don't expect more from those who never realized it was the wrong way to handle family issues and estrangements. 

I will write the names, all of the names- of even the jackasses. I will add the stories that have facts to go with them and try to make sure my own feelings aren't clouding the facts.

So why was today a good Family History day for me?

I got a book I have been wanting for years. 

I came across it shorty after I started doing Family History, but it was not in print and the only three copies I could find were 1. At the Family History Library in Salt Lake, 2. at the New York Public Library (for reference only, not to check out) and 3. for sale from a private seller for $350.00.

I always meant to go to Salt Lake and look through the book, but I also figured I had plenty of time to do that until one day we found ourselves in New Jersey, far away from everything Utah.

I planned to go look up the book in NYC, but I knew that was going to be a huge pain in the rear and that library intimidates the heck out of me. I have also been putting it off.

When we went to Utah in November. we stayed right next door to the family history library and I had one goal-- to see that book.

I went with Mom Olson and we looked it up and found that it was online!

It had been digitized years ago (why hadn't I seen that?) and I could access it online..

I spent my time at the Family History Library doing other research and as soon as I got home, I logged on to read that book.

But, it was not to be.

The book was available digitally, but you had to be at an LDS family History Library to access it, as it was still under copyright. 

I was so annoyed. 

I was so annoyed that I decided I was actually going to get ff my butt and got to NYC and get ahold of that darn book.

Thankfully, Matt's cousin Kalynn told me I should be able to access it at out Stake Family History Center. 

I was at the Stake Center today, doing Primary stuff and I remembered that i wanted to check.

I logged on and...there it was....my stinkin' book!

I finished up the Primary work I was doing and sat down in the Family History Center to devour the book. While I was there, someone joined me and asked what I was doing. She suggested I just print the book and replace the paper I was going to use, it wasn't that big of a book and I could get a lot more done at home that if I had to view it at the church building every time. 

She didn't have to suggest it twice and now-- moved to the top of my winter reading, I now have a complete copy of the Stribling book I have been trying to read for about 4 years.

I'm nerd-level excited about this and even if it doesn't give me any new information- it's information I have access to- accurate information about my kin. 

I believe though, that there will be new information and that some undiscovered limbs and branches- or at least leaves are going to be found on the family tree. I feel that is true. 

It's been a good year for me in my Family History Quest. I found the parents of the baby I had felt connected to- the right parents. I found I was related to my friend, I learned so much history about my ancestors that came here from England, including the fact that on one of my ancestors return trips from his church mission in England, he arrived with the first ancestor to be a member of the church of our current Stake President. 

I no longer feel like I'm just another link in a chain of unhappy people, I can see that I'm part of a family that did great things- they had incredible lives and they lived and loved and hurt and hurt others in return- just as we all do, but I can keep the good things that have always been in my family and I can help let go of the bad things that the generations before just couldn't shake, that they never wanted to keep being passed on. 

( Charles France and Evie Frances- from my father's side)

Thanks Aunt Sheila for pointing out that I had my Evie's mixed up :)

It heals me. I cannot explain exactly how, but Family History heals me.

Maybe it's because the dead can't hurt me. Dead family cannot tell you that you're stupid or that they are cutting you out of the family or that you're a not a 'real' family member. The dead don't squabble over imaginary birthrights and favorite children. 

We living don't seem to be able to move past some of those things sometimes.

When I do family history work, I feel as thought I am not only doing something important, but I feel as though what I am doing is wanted. The ancestors want to be remembered. They want to be a part of my story and my life. 

Doing Family History work does that for me. I know who I am and that I am loved by family that I will never meet on this Earth, but they know me and see me as one of their own.

(The Rouse Women- a family line through my father's side that I have only scratched the surface on)

(My Grandma Clarissa- who I was named after. She is still alive, but has dementia.)

                                                   
                                                  (That's my cute dad, on the far right)

If you want to start working on family history and don't know where to begin, I encourage you to keep trying. Reach out to others and start asking questions.

Do as Mom Olson had me do and think back to the oldest name you remember and ask what you remember about that person- ask who they loved and were close to, what was going on in the town they lived in- start to build their trees and tell their story.

Thank you, Mom O for teaching me how to work on Family History, for teaching me how to ask the questions that lead to amazing discoveries and a new knowledge of my own life and story. A story that begins so long ago that nobody remembers, but when I hear it, my soul does. 

Faith and Fireflies

I just returned from YW camp last week.

It was......a growing experience.

We had 19 girls and a few who had attitudes which made things much harder than they needed to be and I needed a few days to just recover from the physical and emotional toll it took on me.
I don't know if I was a good leader or a crummy one, but I know I met some amazing kids that I will never forget and I would not have met otherwise.
I met girls who touched me so deeply and my heart grew last week.

I've written a couple of blog posts, but none of them felt quite right.
I needed to wait until I had my head and heart (and body) back to normal. 

Instead, I'll write about the most important experience at YW Camp- at least for me and my daughters.

The final night of camp involved a Faith Walk. 

The girls walked down a trail, where there was a pair of leaders every few yards, with a mirror with quotes about their self-worth, and they were given a charm for a bracelet at each stop. The spirit we needed to carry ourselves in was that of being in the temple- reverent, happy and aware of the purpose.

Tara and I were one of the first stops, and the very first girl to cross the bridge and come to us was my Little Romy.

As I saw my girl read the words of President Uchtdorf, and she looked up at me, for guidance on what to do next, I took the charm and placed it in her hand and whispered, "I love you" and guided her on to the path. She smiled and whispered "I love you, too, Mom" and went on. 

As each girl came to us, some skimmed through the words and opened their baggie for me to put the charm in, but I took each girl by the hand and said "I love you" and placed it in their palm.

It made a couple of girls stop and pause and I saw them walk down the path with a different look on their faces.

some girls just took it and scurried on, eager to join friends down the path.

Some girls took the time to let the words they read fill their hearts and let the moment we shared be that of a precious gift being shared with them. Some of the reactions got me crying. 

Seeing my Jane and my Kate, absorb the words, the spirit and choose to experience the gift they were being given was wonderful to me.

 I put the charm in Jane's hand and said "I love you, Jane" and she said "I know. I love you, too Mom."

When Kate came, we both started to cry. "I love you, Katie." and she said "Oh Mom! I love you! and gave me a hug and went down the path, eyes gleaming.

At the end of the walk, the girls met and gathered in a circle, where they were each given a mirror and markers. They wrote their names on the back of the mirrors and they turned the circle outwards, so that they faced the outside and sat and passed the mirrors down, each writing a quality that the mirror's owner possessed. 

As the darkness grew, the leaders took lights and we surrounded the girls, so they could see.

I stood next to a young woman who had a very difficult time in camp.
She was not active in the church and really only went because her parents made her. She'd brought clothing that was not appropriate with church camp and when asked to cover up, got into a public fight with the leaders. 

"I don't believe in your church standards, I don't believe in your stupid church!" she had yelled as she angrily stormed off and made plans to leave camp.

She'd packed her things and arranged a ride home, when one of the leaders saw her, with her bag, headed to the road and stopped her.

They had a long talk and the girl expressed embarrassment towards her behavior but reluctance to being part of the group of girls with a faith she found too stifling and backwards. She was told that it was okay that she didn't feel that way, that she was there to just have fun and figure out who she wanted to be. If she wanted to leave, she could, of course, but running away was not the way to do it.

She had chosen to stay and the day after the outburst, she had been surprised to find that nobody was mad, everyone treated her just the way they had before she had been so angry and it was okay.

As we stood, darkness falling, some of the leaders began to sing. I stood, shining light on the girls and watched this once angry young woman cry as she sang the words:

"I am a child of God, and so my needs are great. Help me to understand his words, before it grows too late. Lead me, Guide me, Walk beside me. Help me find the way."

When she started to sing I stand All Amazed, I could not hold back my tears as she sang from her heart:

"Oh it is wonderful that he should care for me enough to die for me...Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me."

As darkness grew,  the fireflies came out.

If you don't live in a place with fireflies- oh you are missing out!

They fly through the air and suddenly there is a flash of light that lasts just a second or two, and then it is gone. 

I could see my daughters, in the light of the flashlights, notice the fireflies. 

I saw Kate stop writing and take a moment to look at the starry sky and the glow of the fireflies and the joy on her face was something every parent hopes to see in their child.

I saw Romy, do the same thing. She was writing and then, she looked up, saw the glory of her surroundings and lit up as the fireflies added their own light to the evening. Her face was serene and happy.

Jane's back was to me, but I saw she was looking out at the fireflies, too. 

Some girls never looked up, never saw how beautiful it was, never noticed the amazing moment they were in, that would never happen again. They focused on writing funny notes on mirrors, on writing quickly so it would be finished and they could do something else, they picked at the grass- all while the twinkling lights of sky and nature surrounded them.

The girl in front of me also looked up. 

She put out her hand as she tried to get a firefly to land on her.

Her face was covered in tears and her eyes were wide with wonder.

Ah, she got it.

She chose the better part.

 In spite of how she had been seeing herself, of her feelings of self hate and like she wasn't good enough- she chose the better part and I knew that she would be okay, and she had the capacity to not only be happy, but to bring happiness to those in her life- because she recognized when she was in a holy place, when a miracle was happening around her. 

All of the girls are good girls, they all have weaknesses and they all have challenges, but they are all good girls. Not one did a single thing negative- they all chose good things. 

It was just that there were a few, who chose the better part. 

That choosing to look up, to take in all that they were being blessed with and to make it a part of their souls, it made all the difference. 

 We are all so blessed and we are never alone in our trials. 

Things can get so hard that they bring us to the ground and we see so much suffering, we experience so much- but if we will lookup- we will see that we are living amid constant miracles. 

Stop what you are doing, even when you are counting blessings and look up. See the whole picture, the picture that your Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have created and know that it is there for you. If you were the only person on Earth, they'd have created that same vivid, amazing world for you and your tender heart alone. They love you so much, more than you realize.

Look up.

Light comes in many forms and it is all around you, if you will just look up and seek it. 

That is what I will take from camp.

 I will take the reminder that if I will stop what I am doing- even if it is a good thing- and look up, that the fullness of the blessings I have been given can come into my life. 

I will take the humbling knowledge that my daughters have learned this, and that they see God's hand in the everyday.

They found the Savior in the fireflies.

Sunday Talk

Matt and I both gave talks on Sunday. 

We only had one week to work on them, and it happened to be during such a busy week. 

It was the talk I felt that I needed to give.

Normally Matt and I infuse a lot of humor in our talks, but neither of us really did that this time. We were asked to speak on the prophets and the restoration of the church.

When we talked with one another about our individual talks, it turned out that I had focused on the prophets, while Matt and focused on the restoration.

As always, I wrote out every word so that I could feel confident as I spoke and Matt jotted down his quotes and scriptures and gave a fantastic talk. 

Sunday, May 25, 2014 (pardon the grammar/typos- it's my working draft)

We have been asked to talk to you today about prophets and the restoration of the church. The focus of my talk will be on focused on the prophets, while Matt will speak more of the restoration.

A prophet is, in its most basic definition, a person who delivers messages that are believed to come from God.

Our Heavenly Father has always utilized prophets to lead his church and his people. There is a pretty common agreement among certain faiths that there were prophets on this Earth in ancient times. 

In Amos 3:7 we read:

 “Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets”

People can read the words of the prophets of God in the Bible, they can see that while God’s church was on the Earth, there was not just one prophet, but a number of them, covering vast expanses of time. Prophets were on this Earth from the beginning, serving and spreading God’s messages to mankind.

Somehow though, the belief changed from an acknowledgement and acceptance of God having prophets on the Earth to lead his children, to a belief that prophets, true prophets were something that only existed in ancient times. Today’s world has no Elijahs, No Isaiahs, it has no Abrahams.

And for a very long time, they were right. While there were still many good and righteous people who followed God, there was no revelation, no priesthood and…...no prophet. The Lord’s church was not found on the Earth.

Then, a young boy of 14 went into that sacred grove and spoke to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  In that moment, God was directly speaking to mankind again. The church and the priesthood were being restored and a prophet was called to lead it once again.

In D&C 21:4–5 it says:

 “Wherefore, meaning the church, thou shalt give heed unto all his words and commandments which he shall give unto you as he receiveth them, walking in all holiness before me;

“For his word ye shall receive, as if from mine own mouth, in all patience and faith” (D&C 21:4–5).

Since that time, the world has been blessed by the presence of a true prophet of God, guiding and leading all who choose to follow and we sing: praise, to the man who communed with Jehova!

There have been 16 prophets of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Each one of these men was not only called of God, but was sustained as a prophet by the members of the church. Each one of these men led the church and it’s people during the exact dispensation of time when they could deliver the exact messages that God needed heard.

Sometimes we hear funny or weird stories about the lives of the prophets.  I remember reading about Wilford Woodruff’s childhood when I was a kid and laughing at how many times he got seriously hurt either from working or mostly from goofing off and doing dumb kid things when he was growing up.

I read of Spencer W Kimball and the terrible health issues he endured during a season of his life and thought that it had to be the worst thing to ever endure, to have boils on your skin and what a painful thing that had to be, and yet- it didn’t shake his faith in God. As a kid, I wondered if I would be that steadfast.

Recently, my daughter asked me what she should do if someone asks her about the church in a mean way, looking to tear her down and I told her one of my favorite stories from the life of Joseph F Smith.

 One day, when Joseph F. Smith was returning home from his first mission, “after the little company of wagons had traveled a short distance and made their camp, a company of drunken men rode into the camp on horseback, cursing and swearing and threatening to kill any ‘Mormons’ that came within their path. It was the lot of Joseph F. Smith to meet these marauders first. ... Joseph F. was a little distance from the camp gathering wood for the fire when these men rode up. When he saw them, he said, his first thought was to do what the other brethren had done, and seek shelter in the trees and in flight. Then the thought came to him, ‘Why should I run from these fellows?’ With that thought in mind he boldly marched up with his arms full of wood to the campfire. As he was about to deposit his wood, one of the ruffians, still with his pistols in his hands and pointing at the youthful Elder, and cursing as only a drunken rascal can, declaring that it was his duty to exterminate every ‘Mormon’ he should meet, demanded in a loud, angry voice, ‘Are you a “Mormon”?’

 “Without a moment of hesitation and looking the ruffian in the eye, Joseph F. Smith boldly answered, ‘Yes, siree; dyed in the wool; true blue, through and through.’

 “The answer was given boldly and without any sign of fear, which completely disarmed the belligerent man, and in his bewilderment, he grasped the missionary by the hand and said:

“‘Well, you are the ... pleasantest man I ever met! Shake, young fellow, I am glad to see a man that stands up for his convictions.’

“Joseph F. said in later years that he fully expected to receive the charge from this man’s pistols, but he could take no other course even though it seemed that his death was to be the result. This man, evidently the leader of the band, then rode off, the others following him, and the Mormon company was not molested further”

It warmed my heart when my daughter said “through and through…..that’s what I’m going to say. I’m a Mormon, through and through!”

As you come to know the lives and ministries of each of the prophets, there is a much to learn from as we learn from the prophets of ancient times.  

Just as the prophets of old struggled and sought answers for the people they served, so do our modern prophets. They seek answers and direction concerning the issues and times that we live in. 

In this ever changing world, they are the wind to set your sails to, as the landscape changes- they know which way to go.

I’ve recently been having some discussion with an old friend who was in my ward as a kid. His family have been members since the pioneer days, and with each generation, a little more of that is taken for granted, a little more of that is forgotten and seems to be of less value. This friend has a testimony, but struggles with issues where it seems that the world and the church do not agree. He doesn’t want to offend his friends by choosing a side that hasn’t caught up to the current times.

I talked to him about some of my feelings about the church and some of the issues that seemed to be causing a lot of hurt and confusion.

 I told him that not that long ago, my views were what was considered to be on one side of the political fence. It was a side that wasn’t very popular with people  in my family and every four years, I was always sent news articles and firmly worded emails admonishing me to vote in a way that was in line with the political views they had.   Some thought that in order to be a good member of the church, you had to vote and feel a certain way.

I was secure in my knowledge that the church’s position on all things are that you should vote according to your conscience and often replied with some version of “Well, isn’t free agency great- you’re not the boss of me.”

 I’m not a person who enjoys or really ever wants to be a part of a debate in the first place and I've never been known for having much tact when I feel I am being pushed to do something I don’t want to do.

As the years have progressed, my views on those issues haven’t changed very much, however, the line I was so far on one side of completely moved.

 My opinions, my morals and my values are still the same as they were before, but I am now on the other side of that line- without even having moved!

How lost I would feel if I didn’t have a prophet and leaders who were also here in this constantly shifting and changing world, right with me--who knew that the way to keep our footing was to keep out eyes and ears focused on God.  It is God’s direction we must follow, God who has the right answers that bring harmony, unity and happiness. We hear the words of God from our prophets.

Follow the prophet! He knows the way!

As tides turn and the winds of change blow around us, they lead us in the direction we should go. They make the adjustments for the church, so that we don’t have to rely on external sources to help us to find the way.

It is the prophets who help us to find and take hold of that iron rod, that will lead us to  to everlasting happiness.

1 nephi 15:24

 And I said unto them that it was the word of God; and whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would hold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction.

 25 Wherefore, I, Nephi, did exhort them to give heed unto the word of the Lord; yea, I did exhort them with all the energies of my soul, and with all the faculty which I possessed, that they would give heed to the word of God and remember to keep his commandments always in all things.

The world is always changing. Society is always changing. The amount of information and influence others have over our families is growing and it is very hard to know what is right and what is wrong in some situations.

This church has never been known for its popularity. Even as we are growing and missionary work goes forth all across the Earth- not many of the teachings are well received.  We are not the Prom Queen of religions, we don’t win the popularity contests society seems to be constantly having. 

We live in a world where it is possible to put every thought and actions on display, in a world where that is becoming the norm, in fact. I know too many of you have had to endure the daily pictures of my silly new puppy, and with each update that goes out for the world to see, there is an instant reaction and we become very aware of what our peers think and feel about things that we once discussed only with our families and with the Lord.  Everything seems open for discussion and in seconds arguments can be made to support or tear down every position on everything from serious political issues, to which 80’s cartoon character you should be.

As questions come up in our lives, we need to be sure that we are going to God and seeking the words of the prophets as we decide what is right for our families. We cannot slip into the trap of letting facebook likes determine our choices and influence the direction we go.

Follow the prophet – he knows the way.

He knew the way to go when it was time to head west and settle on that ugly desert with a big lake you couldn’t drink from, that became Zion to the Saints. The members of the church followed the prophet Brigham Young with both their souls and their bodies.

He knew the way when I was a kid of 16, nervous and unsure of what path I should go. I wondered if I mattered to my Heavenly Father, if he cared at all or if my dumb little life meant anything.  When I prayed, alone in my car,  I remembered the words of the prophet of my youth, Ezra Taft Benson who repeatedly urged me to read the scriptures, so through my tears, I opened my scriptures to D&C 6:

 22 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.

 23 Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?

--

34 Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.

 35 Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you.

 36 Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

And the prophet speaks the words of God to you.  The words of the prophet are the first place as well as the last place you should go, as often as possible- and especially in times when the world is changing around you and you need to make sure that YOU are where you need to be, that you are not shifting with the tides.

How lucky and blessed we are to have a prophets, who live in this world with us and who really do know what we are facing and the questions and problems that weigh so heavily on our hearts and minds.

Follow the prophet.

Follow the prophet.

Follow the prophet.

He knows the way.

Thoughts after Conference Weekend

Favorite quote from conference:

Normally, conference is insanely low key and a chance to just lounge around and be together.

Adding a puppy to the equation, made things a little bit crazier.

With 6 people, all home the entire time, in the house, the puppy got a little bit too much attention and I think it was a bit of a confusing weekend for Badger. 

There were accidents of all sorts. Potty accidents and Matt twisted his ankle when he tripped over Badger coming into the family room. 

This week, Puppy and I will be sticking to a routine and I think it will be easier on all of us, including the dog. 

He is a very good dog.

He sleeps all night in his crate and only barks when he needs to go potty and then he goes right back in and quietly settles down until morning.

It was still a bit chaotic for conference weekend.

We started off on Saturday with a bang, I have a child who isn't so much trying to find himself, but who is trying to prove who he is not. 

This is just where he is right now. I have been there myself.

I see his struggles and I ache for him, but I also see them through the eyes of one who has traveled down that road and knows where it leads. I am a person who tried it the world's way and it didn't work. I chose the church, I choose this lifestyle because it is the only thing that brought peace, stability and a belief that everything was going to work out, that I could be happy and I deserved happiness.

I am thankful for agency, where I can choose that.

I still make plenty of wrong choices, that those who are in a different place than I am see the same way I see the struggles my kids have. 

They cringe and wish I would learn from their mistakes.

They also know, like I do, that it doesn't work that way and just as we cannot live on borrowed light, we cannot learn from borrowed darkness.

I skipped the second session to go on a walk with my son and talk to him, encourage him to figure out who he is, not who he is not. To treat others with the respect all humans deserve and to stop seeing assassins in the trees everywhere he goes. 

I am so glad he is home, so glad he is safe, but this is not easy.

He can choose whatever he wants, I do not need my kids to be Mormons in order to love and accept them. I will always love and accept them, always support and be there for them. I do need them to make choices and to grow. If they do not, my love for them stays the same, but there are obstacles that put life in a constant holding pattern. It doesn't progress and go anywhere until a direction is chosen. You can change directions, but you must DO.

It is hard for all of us, including my child who is stuck. 

I am never going to be a parent who issues ultimatums or who uses tough love, but I am struggling with patience and need to change my focus from trying to hep so much, to moving forward with my own journey and trusting that he will choose something eventually and he will see that it will be okay. 

Conference had some talks that hit on a lot of things I have been thinking about lately, and I know I have things I need to re-evaluate and choose as well.

I have always been more of a liberal in my thinking. I usually vote democrat and I did not support Prop 8 and I think churches need to get out of the marriage business completely.  One can make covenants and promises in church, but the legal contract of marriage should be handled by the state.  These are just things that make sense to me and I am still a worthy, active and prophet sustaining member of the church- even if I did vote for Bill Clinton and Obama (well, the first time.)

I saw myself in comparison to many other members of the church and I was pretty far to the left.

As I look at the world around me now, at the always changing landscape of choice and morality, I see that the line has moved. Where I stand, having not changed my opinions and beliefs is now to the right of the line and it makes me think about how important I always felt it was that I defined myself by where I stood, based on measurements that the world created and I accepted. 

I don't have this figured out yet, but conference had many talks that made me feel like I need to really think about where I stand and what that will mean as the line keeps moving and I am no longer seen as a liberal thinker and I am 'lumped in' with those I have always felt lacked the ability to support free agency at all costs.

I believe that there was a great war in heaven, and we lost 1/3 of our brothers and sisters over the issue of agency and that it is the most important right we have as children of Earth. We must support and protect every one's ability to choose, and one of the worst things you can do is to try and take away the agency of another and control them. Matt says I'm a bit of an anarchist, and that's why everything goes back to free agency for me. I do not want to take another's agency, even if I hate what they use it for and disagree with them. I get pretty aggressive when a person tries to take away my agency and tell me what I "must' do. I have offended a few people with the simple response of "I don't answer to you, do not tell me what to do. Ask me and allow me to say yes or no, but do not presume you are the boss of me." 

So, back to the things that are poking my brain and soul-I have to figure out more of who I am and why I believe what I believe. I have to have the confidence and ability to stand by those beliefs, even if someone thinks I only have them because I'm part of some herd of brainless sheep.

I have never been a lamb who stays where she should, but I am proud that I am still and always will be one of Christ's lambs. He just has to rescue me and call me more often because I insist on learning things the hard way, in my own time and place.

And this leaves me now, wondering who I am, what place am I at right now and where will I go as the terrain I travel on continues to change so quickly and so drastically. 

I don't know the answer.

What I do know is that the answers will come and where the answers will come from. There are many paths that lead to happiness, the one that works best for me is the path the Lord and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has laid out. Even within that, there are many paths to take. 

Somewhere between making choices, choosing to move forward and trusting that the Lord loves and knows each of us, no matter what- I will figure some things out. 

It's spring, and little seeds that have been sleeping underneath the surface are starting to come through within me. It is time to stop looking at the external to tell me where I stand and to look within and know who I am. 

This was not our typical relaxing, easy conference weekend, but rain make flowers grow and storms make trees grow strong. 

They clear out all of the crap that lingered in the air before and allow us to see things differently. 

If the storms and the hardships are the price I must pay in order to see the rays of sunshine- I will pay it. 

And I will try not to complain too much, but I reserve the right to whine here and there.