It Really is Great to be Eight

Last night we had another successful Great to Be Eight fireside.

In our church, a child can choose to be baptized at the age of eight.

We do not do infant baptisms, we wait until the child is old enough to really understand right from wrong and to be old enough to make choices and changes.

As they childs grows, the relationship they have with God will change and evolve.

Age 8 is the beginning of making real life choices.

Each January, we have an evening for the kids to help them and their parents to know what they can do to prepare for baptism, and how the process will go.

It was not without it's usual, last- minute issues, but I think that it went really well.

All of the kids from our ward attended, the speakers did a great job.

 (Thanks Tyra, Jake and Matt.)

I got this brilliant idea to make fancy sugar cookies with some of the cookie cutters I picked up in Salt Lake last fall.

Brilliant baking ideas only work if you can dedicate the full day before to baking and decorating.

I found myself juggling a hundred things that seemed to go wrong at the last minute, so I was up at 2am on Saturday, decorating sugar cookies. 

Some of them looked like they were decorated at 2 am.

The cupcakes certainly suffered, as I made the decision in the middle of my bleary-eyed frosting session, to just use the remaining royal icing for the cupcakes.

It was like putting a hubcap on the cupcakes.

Everything tasted a bit like cardboard.

BUT

They were cute.

When you are seven years old- cute makes up for cookies that taste like plaster and the kids all acted like they had the fanciest cookies ever given to a child. 

I loved hearing how excited they all were to be baptized, and to listen to the questions they asked.

.

I don't remember much about my own baptism, just some of the more internal things that were catalyst to my choosing my own path in life.

I remember being very upset that I had to wait until February because I grew up in a home with a lot of conflict, and special events seemed to breed even more.  I remember he bought me a carnation to say he was sorry that I had to wait an extra month and it was the first time anyone had given me a flower, just for me.

After  was baptized, our foreign exchange student began to tease me, and I jokingly punched him in the arm. I was 8 years old, he was 18- we were just teasing each other. My mother saw it a different way and the rest of the ride home I got to hear how I had already 'ruined it'  and how I just loved to sin and be unclean.

I remember thinking that was one of the stupidest things I had ever heard, but I had to go along with it. Her story about how I was 'drawn to sin' has been told for years, leaving out the part that I was only  8 years old, and I was playing- not some story of my starting down a life of horror and disgrace.

I remember, as my parent talked about how 'stained' I was, feeling a sense of ownership and freedom regarding my relationship with God.  My covenants were with God and it was one of the first times that saw the goals of my parents as not necessarily the goals that God had for my life. I knew I had to choose who to follow, God or my parents, and that I could not always follow both.  They would not lead to the same place. 

I can look back and see that those feelings I had at age 8, came from a Father who knew me and loved me. He knew I would have to look at the connections between my parents on Earth and my parents in Heaven often in my life and I can see now it was a blessing that in that season, I clearly understood that those are separate relationships. You can love and follow God and not follow your parents. You can follow and love your parents and not be following God. 

There is a lot of room for something in- between as well.  

 I have family who strongly believe that in order to be good, you must follow our parents and see them as equals to, or at least the gatekeepers to God. I  knew at age 8 that they were not the same thing and I would often have to choose. Those that could choose both, that's awesome and I'm glad that it isn't so hard for them. 

When our kids were baptized, we made the decision to keep them focused on the ordinance, on the fact that this was about the child and God- nobody else. 

The activities and parties people throw are lovely, but the baptism is a sacred event.

The Holy Ghost is a still small voice, we wanted our children to be able to feel that, and that doesn't really fit in with some of the current practices of having a huge party/reception after the baptism and programs that include amazing musical numbers and speakers that entertain and wow the large crowd at a baptism. 

The point sometimes gets lost.

Baptism is a promise. 

A promise between you and God. 

You make promises to Him, and he makes promises to you. 

These promises are the first true exchange you have with God. This is the first covenant you choose to make with God. 

Be aware of what is going on.

We wanted our children to be able to hear those promises, to participate in the sacred, personal experience that was before them.  

With most of our kids, we were able to have it be about the ordinance, not the show/party. 

We had to fight to not let it be a circus with one child, thankfully we had a good Bishop who also felt strongly that the ordinance should be the focus, not who gave the prayers and special musical numbers or a scrapbook- worthy reception in the gym. 

While parties are fun, I hope that as parents we think about what we hope our child gets out of that day. If the highlight of the day is a cake and chasing their cousins, screaming around the gym while the adults all ooh and ahh over the food- it might be a good idea to rethink that. 

Our amazing and wonderful children deserve the better part. 

The better part comes from turning to the Savior, choosing to not make sure everything is beautiful and impressive-to have our children learn to sit at His feet, and connect with Him. We can sit with them, and teach them the joy of hearing that Still Small Voice, of feeling that subtle, but real difference when you know the Holy Ghost is with you, helping you and guiding you.

I implore you to choose the better part. 

There will be many family parties your child attends, many your child is the focus of. Consider unifying your family by helping to teach your child the quiet, powerful change that will come over them when they make and keep these sacred covenants with God and the Savior.

 Keep the lines of communication as clear as possible for them, so that they can experience something far more amazing than any party- they will hear the voice of The Shepherd and they will hear him call their name. 

Their name- just them.

 Help them to quietly recognize it and to know, it is a message of unconditional love.

 The Master calls, and He calls for  them by name.

 Listen.

I am not ragging on anyone who has chosen to celebrate baptisms a different way, I hope that is not how this reads. 

 If it does- I am sorry. I support each parent in doing what they feel is best for their family.  There is no one right or wrong way to do any of this- we're all just doing the best we can. 

I love you and love your child and support whatever you do on this special day. If you want to have the baptism at an amusement park- hey, I love ya- do your thing and I'll be there in whatever way I can be- save me some cotton candy, Yo.

I am just trying to share my feelings and my understanding and hope that as you plan and prepare for this amazing time, that the focus can stay on the ordinance, that you won't get too stressed out or wrapped up in the other things. They are all fun and fine, but don't risk losing the best thing about baptism, for something that is nice, but should not be outshine the experience that your child has, as he or she makes that promise to follow the Savior and to listen to His words. 

You decide what is best for your family. If a huge party is best- then that' what you should do- just try your best to take some time with your excited and wiggly eight year old, and help them to find a calm moment, to feel the difference, to think about what they are choosing. It's their first big choice and they will make millions of other choices- let them know choosing is good.

And please, please don't point out the first 'sin' you notice them doing. 

They are children and they will learn to navigate right and wrong based on how they feel as they understand how the Holy Ghost works in their lives and hearts.  

They made the choice to be baptized, they will make more good choices if you let them develop that personal relationship with God. 

Your job is to teach them to recognize His voice, and to show them that they are worthy of complete and unconditional love- always. 

I'm excited for our little ones, I see so many wonderful parents who are teaching these kids so much about love, about making choices and about who they really are. What a blessing to be included in the lives of not only my own children that I love beyond measure, but in the lives of the children in our little corner of New Jersey.

Unconditional Love...Even for Me

 School is out!!!!

 What a strange and wonderful first year in New Jersey we have had.

We're looking forward to two lazy months. 

I slept in until 9 this morning. 

Even on Saturdays I tend to be up by 8:00 because my internal clock starts to get trigger happy at 6:30 am, when it's time to start the day for school.

I was a dead log this morning.

It was wonderful.

This weekend everyone chipped in to help get the apartment ready for  visitors. Having two teenage boys up there is just gross.

 They're wonderful boys, I adore them, but -ew. 

They make some of the most jaw-dropping messes and they sneak food up there all of the time. It drives me nuts, but since it's on a floor I rarely am on, it's easier to just ignore it most days. I am a slacker parent in that regards. 

But everyone helped a lot and we're ready for anything now.

If it's not clean enough to someone else's standards, they can go scrub their own baseboards and feel superior to me. 

 We're happy in our home.

With Summer in full swing, it means Matt will be working from home a lot more and I love having him around. He's a good husband and the best friend I could ever imagine. 

He's also my hot bagel date on Friday mornings.

He's hot....the bagels are hot....hotness is everywhere  at the Kosher Bagel Hut here in Springfield.

--

I was able to tackle the rest of my Pioneer Trek Sewing and finished making bonnets for all of the YW in our ward who needed one. I also finished a complete trek outfit for one of the girls.

Romy is too young for trek, but she's a cutie bug model, isn't she?

She has loved the first bonnet I made from day one and kept asking if I would make her one, just like that pink one. When I finished the other bonnets, I gave her the pink one and she was thrilled. She wears it all of the time now.

Pioneers love them some Minecraft.

She also wore it to bed last night. I think a Little House on the Prairie marathon is in order.

She went with me to the Plainfield Spanish Branch yesterday.

We helped out n Primary and Romy met a new friend, her name is Rominia and she is also 11 years old. 

I knew the girls would hit it off and we're going to see if we can have a play date after the month of visitors is finished. 

We had a great time, even if we couldn't understand anything in sacrament meeting.  

The kids are so loving and I got many snuggles yesterday.

I also was passing out sweets, which helps. :) 

I love the children, and left with tears in my eyes when one of the boys came and gave me a huge hug before I left and said "when are you coming back, Sister?" I said I wasn't sure, but I would see him in a few weeks at the activity and I'd give him some candy. he looked at me and said "I like candy, but I love it when you come here. It feels good and you are so happy and nice to me."

I put his face in my hands and said "I love you so very much" and he gave be a big hug and said "I know, Sister. You do love me." 

Yeah.

That's what matters most, that's why all of it matters so much.

The lessons, the rules, the songs are great, but what matters most is that those kids know they are loved, that they know how precious they are in the eyes of God and that we try our best to feel unconditional love and always see the promise in them- and make sure they know what we see when we are with them.

I can't do much, but I can love. 

With my own kids, if they know I love them unconditionally and that bad choices they make do not make them bad people- if they can grow up and know that no matter what- they are lovable, they are cherished and they are precious- I will feel like I did what mt Father in Heaven wanted me to do when he blessed my life with these wacky kids.  What matters most is that they know they are loved- so very loved.

They will still do dumb things, they will hurt you and strain your heart to the limit, but always, always make sure they know that when you look at them, you see what you believe the Savior sees when he looks on them- someone with infinite potential, who is completely lovable and someone that always has more good in them than bad. I believe with all of my soul that the work I was called to do is to teach, show and learn about unconditional love with our young ones. Maybe in time that will help me to see myself differently, to see myself as deserving of that same love. For now, I'm still pretty rough on myself. It's all connected and I have hope that the things I know to be true with our little ones, will help heal me so that I can see myself not through the harsh and critical eyes of my earthly parents, but as the Lord sees me, too.

I'm not there yet, by a long shot, but I'm working hard and I'm doing my best. 

This week, I got a surprise in the mail from a friend I have in Las Vegas.

She and I connected during a season when I was a new step mom and I was shocked by the way my husband's ex acted and treated people. I am still shocked by the way she treats people, but I have better boundaries now and recognize the behavior for what it is, simple bullying.  Nothing important or unique, just your run of the mill bullying. 

Nicole was going through similar things and she was a great support to me and I just love her.

She sent me this :

I've put it on my bathroom mirror. 

Thank you, Sweet Friend. 

I'm working on it, but oh, it is hard for me. 

When we got home Romy said she wanted to help with the Spanish branches next time I went, that she felt a different feeling there, like she was doing something good by helping them.

 I sure am proud of the young woman she is becoming.

Ack.

Young woman.

AAAAAACCCCKKKK. 

Is it May Yet??

It's almost May.

Did you know that May is one of my favorite months?

It's warm, but not gross. You can see the finish line for summer break and sleeping in. Birds chirp, trees are green and your heart practically bursts out of your chest every day with how wonderful May is.

I probably post this video every year, but it's always being sung as soon as I step outside and my soul squeals with delight that it is finally May.

I know, Guenevere was a tramp, but you can't blame a girl for getting a little too giddy after being trapped in a cold dark castle all winter long. Okay, you can blame her for that whole Lancelot thing- that was horrible, but I still embrace the careless abandon and barefoot-ness of the month.

I know Spring starts in march, but who are we kidding? You don't actually feel safe from winter until May. May is  a different season- proper.

I'm just a wee bit excited about it.

It had to be said before I could move on with my regular life.

My regular life is moving these days, I'll tell you that.

My email boxes are starting to get peppered with renewal notices- 1 year renewals- for all of the things I signed up for and started when we moved to New Jersey.

The end of May marks one year here.

I know!

One year already. when did that happen? I don't know if I should celebrate or cry. Sometimes I do both.

I've made so many dear new friends, I love our too-small home and our little commuter town that thinks Mormons are some kind of hybrid between Amish and Quaker.

I've had three callings already.

I was ward activities co-chair, then I was Primary first counselor.

I say that because it is in the past tense.

I was released yesterday, so that I can get to work on my new calling:

Second Counselor in the Stake Primary Presidency.

I know!

I have no idea what that even means and what we will be doing. Maggie Cicon, my other Maggie that I love, is the new Stake Primary President. I feel so stinkin' lucky to have an excuse to hang out with her again and call it church work.

I am sad sad sad to not be in our ward Primary every week though. That was very hard for me to face. I cried my eyes out and wondered "When will I get a hug from Jane U? Who will give Ryder Z Werther's candy when he's being sassy and know that he does much better with a sweet than a stern word? Who will sit by Julia T and let her put stickers all over their arms so that she will stay in her seat? Who will put on Axel M's shoes when he takes them off over and over again as he's learning to mainstream into environments with non-disabled kids? Who will pass out the stickers and sneak treats to the rowdy boys in the back row?

I know someone will do those things, and they will do what needs to be done for their time in Primary.
 I think I was actually less concerned that the things would get done and more concerned with how I would miss being the one to do them.

I went in yesterday with a heavy heart, but a smile on my face.

And wouldn't you know it, Jane U could tell I was hurting inside.

I sat in the front as we sang and she looked at me and smiled and I smiled back.

She then leaped from her seat and gave me the biggest hug I think I have ever been given.

That kid sees right into my hear and has a way of knowing when you're scared inside.

I took her sweet little face in my hands and looked her in the eyes and said "Do you know how much I love you? You are so special and such a joy to my heart. I will always be your friend and I will always love you, Jane"

She looked right back at me and said "I know that. You always loved me." and gave me another hug.

I simply can't count high enough to number my many blessings.

Sharing Time went on. Axel took off his shoes and looked to me- he has it in his head that this is something 'we' do and I felt my heart string play a happy note as I got from my chair, sat on the floor and gently put his shoes back on and he kissed the top of my head.

Ryder gave me the 'do you have them?" look and I slipped him one of those sickeningly sweet toffees that I buy just for him,

The back row boys got rowdy and I sat with them and we failed at staying reverent, as we usually do because they are really funny boys.

Then it was over, I put things away, gave the stragglers extra candy and said goodbye to Kuniko, MaryAnn and Natalie, who were trying to figure out who to call for the new counselor.

They can handle it just fine, it's me who will struggle without them every week.

 I was never serving the Primary, it was always serving me.

I'm nervous and intimidated and I have no idea what is next.

 We have 15 units with Primaries and leaders to help take care of. I'll be traveling all over New Jersey and will miss more Sundays in our ward than before, but I'm ready. I can do it  and there is no better month to jump into an adventure and take risks than the lovely month of May.

Church Chat with Sister O

My dumb back seems to have recovered from the great laundry injury of 2013, now it's just the usual moans and groans from me.

We had ward conference this week and the stake came to observe Primary. I was in charge of Sharing Time and I think it went really well. I have to say, I think the Lord had mercy on me, because the kids were all really reverent, so it was pretty easy to have a smooth Sharing Time.

We talked about how the Lord has a plan for us and we make choices in that plan, some choices lead us to safety and peace, others lead to danger and sorrow.

I posted a big fence on the board and around the fence we had rocks, a river, a pit and a wolf.

On another board I had lambs, each with a scenario.

Some kids were called up and picked a lamb and read it. We then posed the question :Is this a choice that brings safety and peace or one that brings sadness and danger?

If it brought peace, it went in the safe fence. If it brought danger, the child chose what dangerous thing it was by and stuck the lamb there.

With a few minutes left, the child I chose to pick a lamb in Jr. Primary was Ben. Ben has some special needs and struggles to communicate.

Ben chose his lamb, it was a lamb that went to a safe place. I thanked him and asked him to sit back down.

Ben didn't sit down.

He stood and looked at our board for a few minutes, and all of the kids waited to see what he was going to do. He took one of the lambs who was in danger, shook his head and put it in the fence and said "safe."

I said to him, and to everyone "Oh, that's very good! What can we do to help make the lambs who were in the wrong place go to the safe place?"

We read what the lamb said again and then said what could be done to repent and make the lamb safe again."

One by one Ben took each of the lost lambs and put them in the safe place.

When they were all safe, he happily turned and went back to his seat.

It was one of those moments where you get to be a part of something so much greater than you ever expected.

I'd planned to talk about helping the lambs safe again, focusing more on it in Sr. Primary, but Ben, in his quiet and loving way brought it about with a spirit I never could have.

He understood, and he wanted everyone to be safe.

 He wasn't going to stop until they were all where they needed to be and I got to see My Savior this Sunday, in the eyes of  Ben.

It was a good day.

Yesterday was a good day, too.

Romy turns 12 this summer and she will start Young Women's.

That totally freaks me out!

They had New Beginnings last night and it was great. She is going to be joining such a great group of girls, I adore the YW in this ward and the leaders are the very best. I am lucky to count them as friends and excited for Roe to spend time with women who have genuine testimonies, who love the Lord and who truly and honestly keep all of their covenants. They don't set a bad example and care more about being seen as cool, they love those girls and set an example. They inspire the girls to find joy in doing the right things, not just the fun or trendy things.

I trust them.

Romy was nervous and intimidated by everyone, but she also knows these leaders and knows that they will help her make choices that will lead her to happiness, safety and peace.

The older girls had to guess which of the new girls had certain likes and dislikes and pin them on the girls.

That's the look of a girl who knows she is the one who is good at origami and loves steak. :)

She will always have a choice, I will love my kids no matter what they do. I am thankful that she has good teachers and good examples who will show her a path that is very different from the one she will find in other places.  She'll make her own way, we all do. I am glad that she has the YW program to help, and if she chooses it, to lead her to places that are not in the rocks, or among the wolves, but to the safety and peace of her Father in Heaven.

In the meantime- you're not quite old enough yet, you are still small.

 I'll keep you with me, Little Roe, just as long as I can.

Sharing Time Is Not For Sissies

Today Matt went with me to the church to help put up some new decorations for the new Primary theme. We talked about how things are going this week and I admitted to him that I'm really intimidated by the calling. It's been so long since I taught children who were not in my own family.

Last Sunday was a big wake up call for me in regards to that.

It was the 5th Sunday, so no lesson to follow and we decided it would be good to do a meet the teacher Sharing Time and I figured we'd figure out a few things and mostly play it by ear.

Anyone who has not been living on another planet already knows what happened next.

It was chaotic, noisy and kids were either acting up or bored.

Some of the teachers were not happy.

Mittens were flung in faces, cute little handouts were torn and the Senior Primary enjoyed some 'loud laughter' when they were supposed to be listening.

I started out confident and quickly fell into a repeated dialog of saying "I'm sorry about this...I'm sorry...as I became more and more self- conscious and panicked on the inside. I wasn't losing my composure or anything, but I was in way over my head. I have so much to learn and one of those things is that winging it in Sharing Time doesn't work. You can't just bring a bag of chocolate and everyone overlooks the dumb things you do or say and you can't just plan on the Spirit taking over in the same kind of way it does in Relief Society of Gospel Doctrine. You can't do it without the Holy Ghost, but of you don't have a plan and something for the Lord to help you with, it's not going to be the kind of experience you were hoping for, and the kids won't get what they need from Primary, either.

 

And we all survived it, but I was struggling to not just run away last week by Singing Time.

 

At one point, I sat with a class in the front row, just to listen to the songs. From behind me, a little  4 year old girl with blond hair and a plaid dress came up to me. I didn't know her name, just what family she was from. She came up to me and cupped her little hands and sweetly took my face in them and looked me directly in the eyes and said "You're okay."

Then she said "I'm going to sit right here." and she moved my arms and sat on my lap and started to sing with the other kids.

My heart stopped racing like a rabbit and I stopped being so aware that I was screwing up so badly. I felt the Holy Ghost and the peace that comes when he tells you in the middle of a storm that you're okay.

When they started to sing "Once There Was a Snowman" and we needed to stand, she took my hand and said "I'm right here." When the song ended, she hopped back on my lap.

 

Sharing time was a disaster, but I was okay.  In spite of everything, I knew that my Father in Heaven had sent sweet little J over to calm the storm I was feeling and feeding in my soul and to bring me back to peace.

 

As I've spent the week trying to figure out the changes I need to make and the work I need to do so that Primary is the kind of experience it needs to be and so that I can learn who I need to become through this- my heart is led by Little J's kindness. Her simple act of love to the tall crazy new lady in 6 inch  heels with no clue what she is doing did more for putting me on the right path and in the right spirit than any of the teaching helps I have studied or Ensign articles I've read. She was touched by the Holy Ghost, and she acted on it and that simple act has made all of the difference for me.

 

Tomorrow is a new day, a new year and a fresh start.

 

I am okay.

He is right here.