U is for Unique

It's been waaaay too long since I went on a Unique adventure.

I actually go about once a week, but I've been a blog slacker this summer.

I often see the same handful of treasure hunters when I go, and we've started to give each other that nod when we cross paths in the aisles that says "If we were in an elevator together, I wouldn't worry that you were going to murder me, but I wouldn't talk to you either."

You know, THAT nod, because it's totally a thing.

On Thursdays, Unique has everything 25% off if you join their club. 

They open at 10:00 am and at 9:55, the thrill seekers start to line up.

These are my people.

I mean, okay, THESE are my people- but the Uniquers are my people, too.

(Actually, none of my kin were pioneers, but sometimes I sing as I walk and walk and walk, so it counts.)

Onward to Unique, for this is the place, Yo.

The reason why Long John Silver uses a wooden leg is because his ex wife took EVERYTHING in the divorce. 

Aaaarrrgh.

 Hey Laaaadies....

Why don't you bring home THIS bacon?

Dear Timmy, 

Look under your bed.....

Love, 

Murder the Clown

It use to be enough to bring home a traced hand with tissue paper feathers. 

This school's art budget is way too high.

If you love something, set it free.

If it is too stupid to leave the cage, you're going to have to feed it forever.

In case the clown doesn't work on Timmy. 

I love Ewe.

I love Ewe more.

No, I love EWE more!

No way! I love Ewe More times infinity!!

(I know, that was baaaad.)

Missionary work in New Jersey, circa 1975

This was the only time Mr. Singer got to experience his wife nodding in agreement with him.

Theodore Q. Teddykin's disguise was nearly finished. His plan to pose as Santa and infiltrate the top secret candy cane cocaine ring was coming along nicely. 

"Girl... you are never going to find a nice RM in that get up. 

They totally won't let you wear that to the Institute dance. 

Put on a shrug, Yo."

"Grandpa's bedtime stories always put the kids to sleep within minutes, once he switched from telling the tales of his youth to reading Twilght to the kids.

"I know what you are" she said, staring into Edward's dreamy blue eyes. His hand reached out and he ran it through his perfectly tousled hair. He took a long, lusty sip from his Capri Sun and said 

"Say it..." 

An empty honey container filled with colored sand?

Yeah, your kids hate you.

So what if you are a flippin' mermaid?

The fact that she's wearing a necklace made of a bird's nest and onions justifies the strict "no Tori Amos" rule we have in this house. 

Hey Kyle and Rebekah-- how about we try this for our next game night?

With over 130,000 murder mysteries, we can enjoy the thrill of a spy adventure as we marvel at the wonders of technology!

How many wedding dresses had to die for this project?

Now I'll never get that song out of my head.

This was much more successful than the follow up book, titled: The Cat Who Hates Your Guts. Just Put the Food in the Bowl, Stupid Human.

What Time is It????

 Well, it's time for another visit to our local Unique!!!

Merry FISHmas!

Get it?

It's a fishbowl and the tree is made out of....fish ...stuff...

If that didn't make you hungry, THIS will:

Om nom nom nom nom......

Betsy Ross has had enough of your crap.

Happy father's Day, Dad. You're ONE dad. 

My other dad is also ONE dad, but I got him a tie. 

Don't go for the sunshine or the sandy beaches. Go to the Bahamas for the owls.

It's where they go to retire now that foxes and hedgehogs are the trend.

Susie never knew what Mom was going to pack in her lunch, she just knew that nobody would trade with her.

  Oy to the world, Ya'll.

I really wanted to buy this for my therapist.....

If we managed to make it to 'happy' in the session, I'd pay my bill via the slot in the head. 

We could make re-living my nightmarish childhood a sort of game. 

But the entire idea was too shocking for the cow mug.

Cow mug is such a prude. 

Unlike Lady Kitterington, the dopest fly cat in da house.

Am I doing it right? Am I talking like the teenager kids talk? Dawg.....? Cat.... argh....I'm old.

Fritz barely remembers anything from the Chuck-E-Cheese Character Convention, he just remembers having waaaay to many shots out of this bad boy and waking up with a tattoo of the Little Caesars guy on his back.

This isn't all that interesting but I had one of these as a teen. 

Buster Bunny.

My boyfriend gave it to me, but he was cheating on me with this girl that was super ugly, but apparently super easy.

Now, mind you, I was also cheating on him, but at least it was with someone cute.

That's the way 17 year old brains work sometimes.

When Tyler gave me this, and Nate, the cute boy drove up to Flagstaff, got a truckload of snow and I woke up to SNOW in Arizona on my birthday as well as a Christmas tree, a teddy bear and a bottle of perfume...Tyler's Buster Bunny was doomed.

When we broke up, I took one of my brother's guns and shot Buster Bunny in the head.

Then, I hung him from my windshield.

I'd like to take a moment now and publicly apologize to everyone who was in our Seminary class that semester. We fought like an old married couple, in class for weeks.  Sorry about that whole 'chasing out the spirit' thing we did every single day.

In spite of it, we still went to MORP together and argued the whole time.

When it was time to say goodnight, we decided to bury the hatchet and just be friends.

Then we made out for a half an hour and I felt like there was balance again in the universe, since he had now cheated on HER with ME.

Good grief. 

No wonder I've been divorced twice.

 Back to my post.....

I don't think this ended well. 

Somewhere in history, there is an account of a hack poet who derailed a train full of nuns and baby hearts or something.

Papa Can You Hear Me......

( I can't explain why, but this had me laughing so hard, tears were streaming down my face at Unique. It might possibly have been because I'd taken four Benadryls, but I like to believe this is simply the funniest thing I've ever said.)

Their parents didn't approve, but they were determined to make it work.

(A word of advice to Opera Guy: don't buy her a Buster Bunny.)

  

What in the name of all that is holy and decent?

I don't ever drink, but when I do, I drink it from the head of  my Don't Ask, Don't Tell Ken doll.

Stay Mormon, my friends. 

I'm Unique, Like Everyone Else

For the past few days, the weather reports have been nothing but doom and gloom. 

On Friday, they predicted as much as 14 inches.

People raided the stores and cleared them of water and bread, like they do every single time we have reports of bad weather.

As the weekend progressed, every hour the reports changed to less and less snow.

When the big scary storm rolled in last night, it left our house with less than an inch of snow. 

Thank Heavens. 

I think that calls for a celebration, or at least, a post about something other than weather and craft projects.

It's time to see how things are going during this endless winter at Unique.

Interesting fabric choice for Miss Relief Society Ugly Craft. 

Children climbing ladders-- and flowers. No, children in overalls climbing ladders. 

That has all of the elements of one of my nightmares.

This was Matt's idea, Romy had been to Unique enough to know not to let the glass touch her lips. 

Half used bottles of lotion, deodorant, shampoo, soap and an open box with a feminine product.

For when you have that not-so-fresh feeling, and you kind of want to keep it that way.

In spite of looking high and low, we did not find Nemo.

We did find his inbred cousin, Murray, though. 

He's still bitter about Disney cutting his scenes in the move and blames them for his ending up among the riff raff at Unique instead of being a ride at Disneyland.

 "Hey kids, set the table and use the classy stuff.  Make a fresh batch of Koolaid and put it in the bread stick pitcher, that will impress everyone!"

 Captain Pink Mustache is sick of these two clowns.

If only he had arms, he could punch them both squarely in the bobble-head.

If you look closely, you can see that the message here is clear. 

Keep praying, even when you break a nail. 

Unicorn Jesus.

Why not?

 Hey Baby, you wanna pit a penny in my tummy?

Oink Oink, Sweet Thang.

 Clearly, some one's mom had the same opinion of craft sand that I have.

Never, under any circumstances is this ever ever every okay.

Sand is not a craft. 

Neither is kitty litter, toilet water and anything that involves glitter.

Give my kid any of these things and I will return the favor by giving your child gum, Pixie Sticks and finger paint.

Okay, that's just cute. 

Hold Back, Lemon- I'll handle this. 

Ted Heath sings the Pop Hits, right after a smoke break and a quick toupee trim.

Is it a doctor with a  shotgun and a rat?

Maybe its a spleen?

Why the monocle?

I don't understand why this is a thing.

Mary and Joseph would like some alone time.....

(You will be spared all of the jokes we said at Unique when we saw this. We had to dodge lightning bolts afterwards.)

 Gourd Bless America.

 Luxury, pure luxury.

 If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you by the courts. 

If your court appointed attorney happens to be a troll, then rub the jewel in his belly before court and make a wish, because you're pretty much doomed.

 This just hurts to look at. 

Rock On, my friends.

Rock on like we did at Queen Mary's funeral.

Good times, good times.