Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Things That Have Happened

 I have GOT to get better about posting.
I don't know what my deal has been this past year, but gone are the days when I felt like my life was even a teensy bit interesting.
I feel like most of my blog posts are mostly pictures and some version of  "So...THIS happened."

It's probably just that as the kids get older, I don't chase them around with my camera all day. Most of them are old enough to get in a car and drive away from me.
I miss that even the most ordinary of events seemed magical with my little ones, but I also like sleeping in and not wiping noses and butts anymore.

We didn't really get snow in New Jersey this year until the end of January.
When the snow did come, it brought with us the coldest weather I have ever experienced. 
We've had a number of ice storms that were bad enough to close school.
Our town is very good about clearing and salting the roads, so we haven't had as many 'ice days' as others nearby, but that doesn't change the fact that seminary is in another town (super close, but not as good with salting the roads) and Matt and Zane still need to get to the city for work.
During one of the days when nobody could get to work,  I got the great idea to go on a walk with Matt, thinking that since the sun was out the black ice must have melted.
I was mistaken.
I slipped and fell right on our sidewalk and ended up in urgent care when my skinned knee got infected. The doctor put me on an antibiotic and ordered me to stay off my leg for 5 days and diagnosed me with a bruised kneecap and a super gross ouchie.

This is the picture of my knee that will not make you throw up

It's been over 2 weeks and I still have an owie that is bad enough I have to keep neosporin on it and cover it- but it is getting better. I am stunned at how slow it has been to heal. Getting old is crap.

So THAT happened.

Romy registered for her Freshman clubs and classes- as in HIGH SCHOOL recently.
I'm not sure I can handle that.
She's growing up so fast.

Okay, maybe not THAT fast.

What else.....
Oh yeah-- THIS happened:

He reports to the MTC at the end of the month. 
I am excited and totally freaked out at the same time.
I am also so very proud of him, I know how much he has sacrificed in order to serve a mission, how important it has always been to him.
He is such a good son and he will be a great missionary.

It's been suggested to me to set up a missionary blog for him, in order to share his letters and emails home.
 I've thought about it a lot and come to a decision.
Zane is a very private person. 
He is a young man who has a very strong testimony, and he expresses it by the tremendous amounts of service he does and the way he lives his life. He is a stoic, humble young man who does not like attention. Even though he had a good enough time at his big graduation party last year, the spotlight made him uncomfortable and he and his friends from church actually ditched it for a portion of the party.
He's a person who struggles when someone says they are doing something 'for' him, when it isn't what he wants or needs.
 As he gets older, he is more set in that.
As I have thought about it, I have come to the decision not to create a mission blog for him. 
 He should choose what is shared about him, and what is kept private, to be shared only with those he specifically chose to share it with.
This is his life now, his story and he should be the one to tell it. 

Don't get me wrong- I will share plenty about his mission, but I'm not going to set up a blog and post his letters and emails. I will not keep people in the dark about his mission at all, and if he says "you can share this with everyone" I will not hesitate to do so, but I will just do it here.  I will post pictures and give an account of what he is up to, but his words belong to him, and to those he writes to. 
As a mother, there are things that happen with your kids- good things and hard things that you tell everyone. There are also things you treasure up in your heart, only to be known by child and Mother. Many of those things are not even things the child will remember, but they are the treasures we keep as Mothers and the reason our eyes well up with tears when we see our grown children in those rare, quiet and still moments.

I am proud of all of my children.
 I love them all no matter what and always will.
 I have said so many goodbyes to my children, being that we are a blended family and each on of our children have another family and home where they go, too. 

While I may have said goodbye a thousand times, this one is different.  
This one involves trusting God a lot more than normal, leaving comfort zones and packing away the personal items of one of my kids and putting them in the closet for a long time. 
This one involves having faith that he will be okay, that he will even thrive in the world. It involves putting the physical act of mothering on hold, holding back the urge to rush in and gather one of my chicks under my wing when trouble is near. God will gather him in, and at the same time, send him out to help gather the others. 
I know I can do this, but at the same time......ah,  I don't know if I can do this. 
I can do this. 
I can let my baby bird fly.
He knows how, he just doesn't know how far and how high yet.

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