Monday, June 24, 2013

Unconditional Love...Even for Me

 School is out!!!!

 What a strange and wonderful first year in New Jersey we have had.
We're looking forward to two lazy months. 
I slept in until 9 this morning. 
Even on Saturdays I tend to be up by 8:00 because my internal clock starts to get trigger happy at 6:30 am, when it's time to start the day for school.
I was a dead log this morning.
It was wonderful.
This weekend everyone chipped in to help get the apartment ready for  visitors. Having two teenage boys up there is just gross.
 They're wonderful boys, I adore them, but -ew. 
They make some of the most jaw-dropping messes and they sneak food up there all of the time. It drives me nuts, but since it's on a floor I rarely am on, it's easier to just ignore it most days. I am a slacker parent in that regards. 
But everyone helped a lot and we're ready for anything now.
If it's not clean enough to someone else's standards, they can go scrub their own baseboards and feel superior to me. 
 We're happy in our home.
With Summer in full swing, it means Matt will be working from home a lot more and I love having him around. He's a good husband and the best friend I could ever imagine. 
He's also my hot bagel date on Friday mornings.

He's hot....the bagels are hot....hotness is everywhere  at the Kosher Bagel Hut here in Springfield.

I was able to tackle the rest of my Pioneer Trek Sewing and finished making bonnets for all of the YW in our ward who needed one. I also finished a complete trek outfit for one of the girls.

Romy is too young for trek, but she's a cutie bug model, isn't she?
She has loved the first bonnet I made from day one and kept asking if I would make her one, just like that pink one. When I finished the other bonnets, I gave her the pink one and she was thrilled. She wears it all of the time now.

Pioneers love them some Minecraft.

She also wore it to bed last night. I think a Little House on the Prairie marathon is in order.

She went with me to the Plainfield Spanish Branch yesterday.
We helped out n Primary and Romy met a new friend, her name is Rominia and she is also 11 years old. 
I knew the girls would hit it off and we're going to see if we can have a play date after the month of visitors is finished. 
We had a great time, even if we couldn't understand anything in sacrament meeting.  

The kids are so loving and I got many snuggles yesterday.
I also was passing out sweets, which helps. :) 
I love the children, and left with tears in my eyes when one of the boys came and gave me a huge hug before I left and said "when are you coming back, Sister?" I said I wasn't sure, but I would see him in a few weeks at the activity and I'd give him some candy. he looked at me and said "I like candy, but I love it when you come here. It feels good and you are so happy and nice to me."
I put his face in my hands and said "I love you so very much" and he gave be a big hug and said "I know, Sister. You do love me." 
That's what matters most, that's why all of it matters so much.
The lessons, the rules, the songs are great, but what matters most is that those kids know they are loved, that they know how precious they are in the eyes of God and that we try our best to feel unconditional love and always see the promise in them- and make sure they know what we see when we are with them.
I can't do much, but I can love. 
With my own kids, if they know I love them unconditionally and that bad choices they make do not make them bad people- if they can grow up and know that no matter what- they are lovable, they are cherished and they are precious- I will feel like I did what mt Father in Heaven wanted me to do when he blessed my life with these wacky kids.  What matters most is that they know they are loved- so very loved.
They will still do dumb things, they will hurt you and strain your heart to the limit, but always, always make sure they know that when you look at them, you see what you believe the Savior sees when he looks on them- someone with infinite potential, who is completely lovable and someone that always has more good in them than bad. I believe with all of my soul that the work I was called to do is to teach, show and learn about unconditional love with our young ones. Maybe in time that will help me to see myself differently, to see myself as deserving of that same love. For now, I'm still pretty rough on myself. It's all connected and I have hope that the things I know to be true with our little ones, will help heal me so that I can see myself not through the harsh and critical eyes of my earthly parents, but as the Lord sees me, too.
I'm not there yet, by a long shot, but I'm working hard and I'm doing my best. 
This week, I got a surprise in the mail from a friend I have in Las Vegas.
She and I connected during a season when I was a new step mom and I was shocked by the way my husband's ex acted and treated people. I am still shocked by the way she treats people, but I have better boundaries now and recognize the behavior for what it is, simple bullying.  Nothing important or unique, just your run of the mill bullying. 
Nicole was going through similar things and she was a great support to me and I just love her.
She sent me this :

I've put it on my bathroom mirror. 
Thank you, Sweet Friend. 
I'm working on it, but oh, it is hard for me. 

When we got home Romy said she wanted to help with the Spanish branches next time I went, that she felt a different feeling there, like she was doing something good by helping them.
 I sure am proud of the young woman she is becoming.

Young woman.


  1. Curious where do the kids trek out your way? Remember sun screen and lip balm My emmy was not to happy to have sun burnt lips when she went of trek

  2. Makes my heart happy that you liked your surprise. :)

    You are so enough Chris and so much more.