Thursday, December 13, 2012

It Made Sense at the Time

My life....
In our house there are a lot of stairs. People build 'up' because there is no room to build 'out' here.  However, our house has both 'up' and 'out' additions and each addition has stairs. The family room has two steps  going down from the breakfast nook.
It's cute.
It's also going to be the death of me.
This morning I tripped up (yes, up)  those stairs for the 50th time and broke my toe for the 3rd time since moving into this house.
It's happens so often that I don't even cry or swear anymore.
I guess that's progress, but not enough to get me to actually look where I'm going or wear my glasses.
Classy bathroom picture, Yo
I also have some lovely sleep issues. Matt says some people go to sleep, others  crash into it. I am a crasher.  I haven't ever had any success at just laying down and drifting into slumberland. I've seen doctors and therapists here and there and one of the issues that kept coming up was that I have severe night terrors.
 I have always had really bad dreams, ever since I was small. My Grandma told me that if I slept with a knife under my pillow, I'd feel safe. I was probably 6 years old when she told me this, and I had no idea she was meaning to have an actual sharp, stab  the intruder knife under your pillow. I thought it was just some Southern voodoo. She also told me to bury chicken bones in the back yard of I wanted to have good dreams, but everyone knows I hate touching food.
It probably worked like any crows feather at the time.
 I slept with a butter knife under my pillow until I was in my 20's.
One day a friend came over to help me organize my bedroom and asked me why I had a butter knife under my pillow.
Oh....because I'm crazy.
I stopped doing it, it didn't actually work when I was older, it was just a habit.
About 2 years ago a doctor prescribed me medication to help me stay asleep. It's worked really well, but one of the side effects is that if I do not go to bed after I take it, it won't make me sleepy- just bonkers. Fun bonkers, but bonkers all the same.
The bonus of the bonkers is that the next day- I have no memory of what happened.
I have friends who have taken the same medicine and we swap stories and laugh and ask ourselves if we really need sleep THAT much. (For me, the answer is yes. The side effects are weird, but sleeping through the night has done more for my health than anything I have ever done.)
The summer before last we took a road trip to see Mount Rushmore. I was new to the medication and unaware of how nutty it made me. We were all settled into the camper for the evening and it was really warm. Being the helicopter mom that I am and not being able to let anyone be one degree too warm or too cold, I called Jane and Roe over and started to cut the sleeves off their flannel pajamas.
(In my defense it was really warm and we'd packed Christmas Pajamas.) 
 I cut the pants into shorts on Jane's. I got to Romy and said "Those pajamas are perfectly fine! Go to bed."
It looked like The Incredible Hulk had been their designer, ragged, hacked off sleeves and shorts.
Then I laid down and was fast asleep in about 10 seconds.
The next morning I saw the kids with their pj's cut off and said "Why did you ruin your pajamas? I didn't bring extra pairs for you!"
I was stunned that they would just destroy their pj's like that.
When they told me I did it, I looked to Matt and he nodded and said "you don't remember that at all?"
I didn't.
They all died laughing. That explained why I also decided that Romy's pants were 'perfectly fine.'
I laughed, too and I still don't actually remember doing it, but the kids make sure to remind ome of how goofy it was every change they get.
It is pretty funny, it' a good thing I have such weird kids who are patient with me and not easily disturbed by wacky things.
I shot Matt in the face with a confetti gun last year on Christmas eve.
I woke up and asked why there was confetti everywhere and said I didn't think that was very fun for me to have to clean up on Christmas morning.
 Matt very nicely said "you're lucky I didn't kill you, Sweetie. You were so obnoxious last night. The fact that you're not locked in a box proves that I really love you."
Sorry babe. I slept like a brick that night if it helps.
We have an agreement that I always tell him on nights when I take medicine to sleep. I don't take it every night, and on nights that I skip, I do have night terrors and bad dreams that cause me to cry out  and wake up over and over again all night, completely shaken. Like I said, sleeping and not having the bad dreams is worth the occasional embarrassing story.
I don't have the memory loss as bad as I use to. I forget most anything that was said or read to me, but my memory can be jogged and I usually remember after someone reminds me.
Sometimes, my life reminds me.
Today, I tripped up those stupid stairs while racing to grab a tissue.
I will be carrying tissues with me 24/7 for the next week or two because of something I did last night after taking my sleeping medicine.
My nose itched. I remember that part clearly.
My nose itched and I went to the bathroom to deal with it and somehow, in my altered state, I decided that it itched because there was hair in my nose.
I'm no Sasquatch. I'm even abnormally fur free. No need for back waxing, mustche bleaching or ear trimming here.
But sleep medicine Chris didn't see it that way.
Good Lordie.... I tweezed almost every hair out of my nose last night.
Brilliant, aabsolutely brilliant.
Yeah- you have hair in your nose for a reason, Genius.
  God has this whole 'master design' thing going on and even though some things make no sense at all...(Hello, WHY did I get stick straight hair in the front and 80's Spiral perm hair in the back of my head and why does Roe have the same thing?) Nose hairs are not one of the great mysteries of creation.
(does not belong in your bathroom)
I am stunned that I did that. I remember doing it now, very clearly and I would shake my head and laugh, except when I shake my head, my nose starts to drip and I sneeze.
So, now- along with scissors, my laptop, phone and car keys- I guess we will be hiding the tweezers on nights when I take sleeping medicine.
Maybe Matt had it right when he suggested we just lock me up in a box.
My nose still itches.


  1. Oh, Chris. This is hilarious, and I feel for you and your poor nose.

    Happy Christmas, dear Jersey friends!

  2. Thanks for reminding me not to take life so seriously! wish I had medication to blame my craziness on!

  3. Poor Chris! I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe! :-)