Tuesday, September 11, 2012

So Suddenly Sometimes

We have company this week, and we've been busy enjoying our time together. I'll make a post with all of the fun things we did while Cousin Lisa was here later this week. She's in the city right now, catching a session at the temple and I'm home in this quiet house.
The kids are in school and it's actually quiet here.
Quiet if you can ignore the fact that the squirrels outside are hyper and I can hear them jump from out roof to the trees and it sounds like our house is haunted a little bit.


Saturday, a childhood friend was killed in a horrible motorcycle accident. He was one of those people that reconnecting with after many years was such a joy. He was a character and did all of those things most of us only talk about doing in life- he saw the world, he ate, drank and was merry, he gave back to others and brought humor and warmth to everyone. 

He was a father and a husband.
A son and a brother. 
He was my friend.

How can it be that he has left us all, here to figure out all of the ordinary?

His brother died with him, Ger was teaching him how to ride the bike in an empty park and ride lot. It's known to be a very good place to practice, except it does have a steep embankment on one side.
The bike slipped and they fell down that embankment. 15-20 feet onto a busy street.
And just like that, Gerald is gone.
He's not in the world anymore.

Matt is at work and from his office window, he can see the World Trade Center Memorial.

(From Matt's cell phone this morning)

What a strange new life.

I think of where I was that September morning, with my new daughter, leaving to get her first set of shots. Getting a call to turn on the TV and being horrified at what it showed.
The scared look we all had on our faces for days, how we watched TV or listened to the news on the radio all night and day, trying to understand, hoping that you would turn it on and it was all just something you dreamed up. Putting on your brave face for your kids and deciding how much of this you would share with them. I shared very little, my boys were so small. They know a bad thing happened and that bad people stole some airplanes and crashed them. They knew they were going to be okay and to pray for those who were so hurt by the terrible thing. I kept them away from the TV and pictures, it was years before they saw any of that. 
I kept my kids close to me and so vividly remember sitting in my back yard, holding my tiny new baby while my three boys played outside. They noticed that there weren't any planes in the sky. we lived on the flight path and Greyson loved to watch skies for the airplanes. It was so quiet, sitting there in our yard and all I could hear were the lase summer Cicadas and the sound of my children laughing.
I was scared, but I knew it would be okay.

I am scared today, too. 

School has started and oh, new schools are hard on kids. Roe is doing great, Zane is enduring it and Grey is so over whelmed he breaks down in the evenings. After he's calm and assured it will be okay, after everyone has gone to bed, Mom breaks down, too. It's so hard to see your kids hurting and you can't take that hurt away. you can't make the world less scary, you can only help them and assure them that they can do it.
Grey will be okay and the world will be okay.
Sometimes, it's so confusing it is hard to see that, but I am thankful that I have a father in Heaven that I trust. When all I see is chaos, I know there is order in all things. 
It all changes so much sometimes, yet it all ties together and is part of something that always was. 

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