Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Marooned

The house is finally starting to look like a home.

The photos are terrible, but I don't have photoshop installed on this computer yet.
Pictures on the walls make a difference.
Pictures on the wall ARE different when you hammer that nail in and you realize the walls are lathe and plaster. You decide very quickly that you need to map things out ahead of time, no filling a hole in with putty later if you get it wrong 10 times.

Putty will work, but your wall my just disintegrate from all of your hammering.
Part of this house is new construction, part of it is about a hundred years old.
Putting my own things on the walls and getting the boxes cleared out make the house feel just the right age.


My apologies to everyone who sent me a "hang in there" message today and I rewarded them with word vomit.
I'm a teensy bit lonely here.
We will go to the new ward on Sunday, I will vomit on them soon.

I never was a person who needed much social interaction as an adult.
That changed in Utah, and it's not that I needed it more, it's that I enjoyed it more. I trusted more people and let my guard down and relationships kind of snuck right int and mattered again.
Now there is a little bit of a hole in my heart where that was.

A few years ago I had a tooth pulled.
It was a Shrek tooth, I'd had a new crown put on it twice and for whatever reason, any crown I had put there just seemed enormous and never felt like it quite fit. It broke all of the time, no matter what I did. When I was looking at getting a third crown on it in 5 years, I told the dentist to just pull it, I was over the Shrek tooth.
It was in the very back and nobody would notice it.
He told me not to do it, it wouln't be the same.
I told him change is good and I was sick of that stupid tooth.
He pulled it.
It stopped bothering me, but in the place of that tooth there was a little socket. I figured that, like it did with my wisdom teeth, the socket would heal up and go away.
It healed, but the little pit in my gum remained.
Sometimes I check to see if it's healed over smooth yet and it's still there, this little divot where my giant tooth was. My dentist said it will always be that way, as you get older your scars don't heal as well. Everything functioned just fine and my smile looked just the same, but I was going to have that little empty spot forever.

I know this place will come to feel like home.
 I know we will make new friends and come to love new people.

I also know that I'm always going to have this little divot in my heart.
It will heal, but not like it did when I was younger.
It's the good kind of scar, but I think I that every time I check, to see if the empty spot is still there, I'll find it, even thought it won't always be so noticeable.

I am a little bit soul sick right now, the blog may reflect that for a season.
My emails and messages may do the same for a little while.

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